Cold Kiss

We’ll deal with consequences later.”
    It’s more than I could have asked for, even if cutting school isn’t really a big deal in my head. Not compared with everything else I’ve done.
    It hurts that I’ll never be able to tell her what happened. At least not anytime soon.
    It’s hard enough for me, when I get to Gabriel’s, to see Danny still lying on Gabriel’s bed, in the same position. Nothing can be that still for so long. Nothing living, anyway.
    I lie beside him on the bed, fitting myself up against the cool, motionless length of him. My hand rests over his heart, but I don’t expect to feel the thump of it there anymore.
    And then I start talking. It’s natural—talking is what we used to do, endlessly, on the phone, walking home from school or the café, curled up together on the sofa. I don’t think he can hear me, but it doesn’t matter. There are things I want to say, and I don’t want to hide anything from him anymore.
    “Becker misses you,” I tell him. The words are muffled because my mouth is pressed against his chest. “He feels so guilty, Danny. And he’s so messed up now. I go to see him sometimes, and so does Ryan. He misses you, too. We went to see Becker together once, but it was too weird. There was this big empty place where you were supposed to be instead.”
    I only pause to brush at the tears on my cheek. They’re making a wet spot on Danny’s T-shirt. “I thought I was doing the right thing, you know? Well, maybe not. But I wanted it so much. I just wante you . I missed you. I still miss you, so much. It’s not fair.”
    I can’t say anything after that, because I’m crying too hard, but after a little while I layer another spell on top of the one that’s keeping him there on the bed, still and silent. A minute later, Gabriel pushes the door open a few inches, and I look up with my cheeks still wet.
    “Everything okay?”
    I just stare at him until he backs away. I mean, I know it’s a lot to ask, having the girl you like cuddling her undead boyfriend in your room, but if Danny had woken up raging and dangerous, I’m pretty sure Gabriel would have heard the commotion.
    I know I should have a little more sympathy for him, and when I finally get up and go into the living room, I remind myself how generous he’s been. He looks awful, with his tired eyes focused so carefully on me, and for a minute I want to curl up with him. Let him lay me down on the sofa and hold me, let everything pour out into the worn fabric of his Rutgers T-shirt and let him smooth me out with his hands.
    But there’s not a lot left. I’m so hollow inside that I barely do more than nod when I leave, and all night, sitting up with the spell books and working on what I have to do, I have to push both faces out of my mind, Danny’s and Gabriel’s.
    I’m up so late that I’m almost late for school on Monday, and Gabriel sits on the bench next to me in the principal’s office during homeroom. I’m trying as hard as I can to close myself off, because I can’t be sure he won’t peek inside to see what I’m feeling, no matter what he says about respecting boundaries.
    “Detention, you think? Or a day’s suspension?” His voice is low and a little rough.
    I don’t even look at him, although I can’t help seeing the sharp angle of his jaw out of the corner of my eye. “No clue.”
    Judging by his frustrated huff, he’s not happy with that answer. And I’m ashamed of myself, because I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t keep arguing the same things over and over.
    Except he won’t let them go.
    Case in point: “I know you don’t want to talk about this, but—”
    “So stop bringing it up,” I hiss, glancing up from under my lashes when the secretary looks at us sternly.
    “You don’t understand how dangerous this could be,” Gabriel says, even lower now, leaning sideways and crowding into my space.
    “And you don’t understand that it’s not your problem.” I shift as far away from him as I can, and he stiffens.
    “What happened, Wren? What did I do?”
    The door to the principal’s office opens, and the secretary says, “You can go in now.”
    Which means I don’t have to say, You made me want you, and I don’t trust myself not to screw that up, too, which is the only truth that matters.
    We get off with a warning, which I’m grateful for since I need to be home after school finishing the spell. I expect the day to drag, but I’m so preoccupied with