Covet (Clann)

that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. “It’s nicer being like this. Being here, with you.”
    “I can’t stay here, hon. And neither can you.” Her voice was softer now, like a gentle hand coasting over my hair.
    “Why not?” There was no pain here, no endless heartache or anger or loneliness or guilt. Just peace. I looked at her, rememorizing the lines in her cheeks that showed how often she used to smile and squint in the sun. “I miss you, Nanna.”
    “I miss you, too, kiddo. But you have to go back. It’s not time for you to cross over. God’s got big plans for you yet.”
    “For the earth’s biggest freak? Why?”
    She made a hissing sound. “You are just as much His creation as every other living thing on earth. Who are you or me to ask why He chose any of us for anything? It is what it is. You’ve just got to learn to stop fighting everything.”
    “What do I fight against? All I do is put up with endless crap!”
    “You’re fighting what you are. Even when you start to give in and embrace your abilities, you still end up fighting them. Look at your body lying there in the dirt, dying. That’s you fighting the energy.”
    “I was trying to let it in—”
    “You don’t understand the give-and-receive nature of energy. Right now, what you’re doing is trying to reach out and grab the energy like it’s this solid thing you can pick up, like a rock or a leaf. But it doesn’t work that way.”
    She sighed, and it sounded like the wind in the trees. “It never should have been called drawing. There’s no pulling to it. It should be called receiving, or accepting, because that’s all you’ve got to do. Chasing after it doesn’t make it come to you. You’ve got to step into the river and let it wash over and into you.”
    She moved closer then reached out and took my hand, and I was stunned by how solid and real she felt. “Can’t you feel the energy already beneath your body, pulsing in the earth and grass and roots of all the plants around you?”
    “How can I? My body doesn’t feel anything right now.”
    “Hardheaded. Get back in your body. Then just relax and open up your senses. The world is your battery, hon. All you need to do is allow the energy to flow in.”
    I didn’t see how I could get any more relaxed, seeing as how I was supposedly dying. Grumbling, I lay down in my body again, then gasped.
    It was like resting on top of a wool blanket full of static electricity.
    “I can feel it!” I said, and this time the words came out of my actual lips.
    “Good! Now relax. Pretend you’re lying in a shallow stream, and let that current flow over your skin.”
    My skin tingled on my hands, my forearms and my left ankle where my jeans had bunched up, allowing my bare skin to touch the ground.
    “That’s it, dear.” Nanna’s voice was fading.
    “Wait! What about the rest of it? Which book should I work on next?” I had so many questions to ask her. But most of all, I didn’t want her to leave.
    “Your mother already told you. Most Clann spells just need willpower and focus. These books are just to give you ideas of what can be done with that focus and will.”
    “But what about the bloodlust-dampening spell?”
    “Ah, now that is old magic better left alone, dear. It requires too much sacrifice to make it work. It’s dangerous.”
    I hesitated, but I had to know the truth. “Nanna, did you…sacrifice your life for it?”
    “In a way, I did. And that’s why it’s no longer taught. But you don’t need it. The safer ways, the new ways, will give you almost everything you need.”
    Except Tristan.
    If I could learn the old ways, I could do so much more. I could perform the bloodlust-dampening spell to make it safe for me to be around descendants like my mom and Tristan. Maybe I could even turn off my vamp side completely.
    To be able to kiss him again without stealing his energy… To be able to dance before an audience again without fear of revealing my vamp strength and speed…
    “You have enough self control over the bloodlust on your own, Savannah.” Her voice was only a whisper now. “And all the sacrificial magic in the world still wouldn’t stop the energy flow if you kiss Tristan. I’m sorry, but even magic has its limits. It can’t change what you are, no matter how much you might wish it could.”
    She sounded like Sam Coleman in the Circle when I wanted him to bring her back to life without a soul. Frustrated, I rose up on an elbow, determined