Covet (Clann)

happy.”
    “That’s big of you. Not sure I could say the same.” He leaned back on his stool, making the metal legs squeak.
    I forced one corner of my lips up into a half smile. “Trust me, it’s a daily effort.”
    * * *
    Over the next few weeks, my life slipped into a routine that, while not exactly always happy, was at least comfortable. Mostly. Except for English class, I found ways to stay focused on other things…helping the Charmers at practices, pep rallies and games…helping my friends with their homework and listening to the latest gossip from Michelle at lunch every other day…working and joking around with Ron in chemistry class and our lunchtime tutoring sessions…practicing tai chi with Dad and Gowin when he was visiting in the evenings before doing my homework and then falling into bed. And of course finding ways to sneak out to Nanna’s for magic practice every spare moment I could. The only problem was I couldn’t seem to tap into my Clann side in the first two or three days after feeding. My current theory was that feeding empowered the vamp side too much to allow my descendant abilities to work. Either that, or filling my body with human blood made me temporarily too human and not witchy enough.
    English class and the weekends after feeding were the bad times when I couldn’t pretend everything was okay.
    Every Friday night after the football games, no matter how late I was in coming home, both Dad and Gowin were always waiting in the kitchen with a vial of donated blood for me. Not drinking it wasn’t an option. I’d already tried every excuse I could think of to get out of it without success.
    “Eventually you’ll come to enjoy the blood memories,” Gowin had promised one time when he found me sitting on my bedroom floor drenched in sweat and holding my head in my hands as the images whirled past inside my mind.
    “How could anyone possibly enjoy this?” I’d managed to gasp.
    “Think of it like a mini vacation from your life. You get to be someone else for a while.”
    “But nothing I’m seeing makes any sense! I don’t know who these people are, who I’m supposed to be in the memories.”
    “So think of it like one of those artsy-fartsy films instead, where you’re not supposed to understand. Does your own life always make sense? Does the world around us make sense? Of course not. And it’s not supposed to. Real life is chaos, sweetheart, not order. It’s only humans and the lingering humanity within vampires that drives any of us to try and make sense out of it.”
    But I hated the chaos. I hated being so totally out of control over my own mind. And I definitely resented anything that prevented me from regaining my magical birthright.
    English wasn’t much better. In every other class, I’d managed to master the ESP enough to turn down the volume of thoughts. But that only allowed me to better tune in to Tristan. And now I was starting to pick up the occasional thought from his mind.
    Hearing Tristan’s thoughts was both a pleasure and a torment. In those moments when I could hear him speaking within my mind without censorship, I felt closer to him than I ever had before.
    But that only made it harder to control my feelings for him.
    Especially now that everyone was getting ready for the upcoming annual Charmers masq ball, our biggest fund-raiser of the year. During practice, it took constant effort to block out Bethany’s excited mental chatter as she pondered what matching costumes she and Tristan should wear to the dance. Apparently he’d agreed to wear whatever she picked out.
    Last year, he had been the one to insist that we secretly dress as a couple, he as a knight and me as an angel, like Leonard DiCaprio and Claire Danes in the movie Romeo + Juliet . And then Bethany had shown up that night dressed as Guinevere, making everyone think Tristan was actually dressed as her Lancelot.
    Even then, Bethany had managed to look like the perfect girl for him.
    This year, she could openly choose any matching set of his-and-hers costumes that she wanted. She would be hanging on his arm all night long, just like she’d done during the homecoming dance in September.
    And of course kissing him as much as she wanted to without any danger of killing him.
    At the masq ball, they would be able to flaunt just how perfect a couple they were. And, as usual, I would be relegated to cooking and serving food and drinks in the concession stand where half our money was