Crocodile Tears

scratched.

    “ It’s a pleasure to see you as always, Alex,” Smithers said. “I fancy you’ve grown a bit. Unless, of course, Mr. Blunt has supplied you with a pair of my new sneakers. I’m rather pleased with them, I must say.”
    “ Do they fire missiles?” Alex asked.
    “ Oh, no. Nothing like that. They’re for use by agents who need to change their appearance rapidly in the field. There’s a hydraulic system built into the heel, and they can add three inches to your height.”
    “ Do you have a name for them?”
    Smithers folded his arms across his ample stomach. “Pumps!”
    The two of them were sitting in Smithers’s office on the eleventh floor. The room looked ordinary enough, but Alex knew that everything in sight actually disguised something else—from the X-ray angle floor lamp to the incinerator “out” tray. Even the filing cabinet concealed an elevator to the ground floor. Smithers was exactly as Alex remembered him. He was dressed in an old-fashioned three-piece suit that must have been specially tailored to fit his bulk, with a striped tie that was surely the old-school variety. As usual, there was a broad smile across his face and above his various chins. Smithers was the one agent in MI6 that Alex was always pleased to see. He was also the only person Alex trusted.
    “ So I understand you’re going to look into Greenfields for us,” Smithers continued. “Very good of you, Alex. I’m always amazed how helpful you are.”
    “ Well, Mr. Blunt is very persuasive.”

    “ That’s certainly true. At least it shouldn’t be too dangerous this time … although do look out. That chap Masters was a bit of a mess. He’d definitely trodden on something that he shouldn’t—so just make sure you look where you’re going.” Smithers coughed, realizing that he’d said too much, and continued hastily. “I’m sure no one will even notice you.”
    “ How do I get into Straik’s office?” Alex asked.
    “ I’ve got a few things for you right here.” Smithers opened a drawer in his desk and took out an old-fashioned pencil case. It was made of tin, slightly battered, decorated with a picture of the Simpsons … the sort of thing he might have been given for Christmas three or four years ago. “It’s very unlikely that you’ll be searched,” Smithers explained. “But we know Greenfields has a very efficient security system, so better safe than sorry.”
    He pushed the case forward. “The tin is rather clever,” he explained. “I actually developed it for international air travel. It has a lead lining so it won’t show any of the hidden circuitry if it passes through an X-ray machine. But at the same time, there are silhouettes of pens and rulers fused inside the lid, and if the tin is scanned, they’ll show up as ghost images. You could carry anything you wanted inside and nobody would notice.”
    He opened the tin. Alex was surprised that it actually did contain pens and rulers—along with other pieces of school equipment. “Since this is a school trip, I’ve concealed all the gadgets inside things you might reasonably be expected to have with you,” Smithers said. He picked out a rather large eraser with a pudgy finger and thumb. “The memory stick that you’ll need for Straik’s computer is inside this. Just tear open the eraser and plug it in. You won’t need passwords or anything like that. It’s completely automatic. In thirty seconds, everything that’s inside the computer will be on the drive’s memory.”

    He took out a library card. It was already stamped with Alex’s name and had a magnetic strip on the back. “Straik’s office will almost certainly be locked. This will get you in. It looks like a library card, but actually it’s an all-purpose swipe card.” He lifted the tin and for the first time Alex noticed a narrow slot near the bottom. “You take the library card and you swipe any door that you want to open. Then you feed it into the tin. There’s a miniaturized flux reversal system hidden in the bottom. It will work out the code you need and reprogram the card. These are now standard equipment for all MI6 agents, although this is the first time I’ve hidden one in the bottom of a Simpsons pencil case!”
    “ How do I find Straik’s office?” Alex asked.
    “ I’m working on that, Alex. Greenfields is a big place, and I doubt there’ll be signs. But I’ve got a rather neat idea and I’ll send it to you later.”
    Alex picked up