Cut and Run 4 - Divide and Conquer

warmth filled him. “You know I‟ve never even
    looked at him, right?”
    Ty was silent for a long moment. Finally he turned his head and
    said, “Appropriate time for a blind joke here, or is it too soon?”
    Zane snickered and jabbed at Ty‟s ribs. “Jerk.”
    Ty laughed quietly, the sound warm and reassuring, as he nuzzled
    his nose into Zane‟s hair again. When the laughter ebbed, Zane realized
    Ty was holding his breath, and something about the slight tremble to
    Ty‟s body made Zane feel that Ty wanted to speak again. It wasn‟t the
    first time Zane had noticed it, and suddenly Zane realized what Ty was
    keeping himself from saying in moments like this:
    I love you.
    Zane squeezed his eyes shut and kissed Ty‟s shoulder again,
    resisting the urge to crawl into Ty‟s lap and do whatever he had to in
    order to get Ty to say it again. He wanted to hear it again, just once,
    after all these weeks, now that it meant so much more, now that Zane
    had acknowledged to himself that he knew what the leaden weight in
    his chest was. Now that he might be able to believe what he felt for Ty
    was real and not just a result of circumstance and proximity. Now that
    Zane needed courage he couldn‟t quite find to take that final step and
    deliberately fall .
    Divide & Conquer | 153

    “You okay?” Ty asked quietly. “I didn‟t hurt you, did I?”
    Zane actually wasn‟t sure, but he shook his head anyway.
    “Floor‟s cold,” he whispered as he shivered, and he recognized the
    source of that reaction. He was scared. There. He‟d admitted it. He was
    scared, terribly scared, because Ty loved him and Zane didn‟t know
    how to handle it when he couldn‟t even explain how he felt himself
    because he was still digging through fear and guilt about the past and
    trying to justify reaching for the future he so desperately wanted….
    “Yeah,” Ty agreed contentedly. His fingers played with Zane‟s
    hair, his body relaxed against Zane‟s. He seemed perfectly happy to
    just sit there and hold Zane for the rest of the night. He cleared his
    throat and moved his chin to rest it on top of Zane‟s head. “We‟re never
    going to find that lube,” he muttered in wry amusement.
    “We‟ll get more,” Zane murmured, gears still spinning as he tried
    to deal with the questions and uncertainty crashing down on him.
    Somewhere in it all was a pang of upset: wasn‟t loving someone
    supposed to be a happy thing? He cursed his innate habit of analyzing
    everything to death and turned his face into Ty‟s arm. “How about
    bed?” he suggested quietly. “I‟d….” He shivered again.
    Ty‟s chin moved again, and Zane got the impression Ty was
    peering down at him. “You‟d what?”
    Zane bit his lip for a moment before answering. “I‟d really like
    you to hold me for a while,” he whispered. It felt odd to say it like that,
    something so innocuous yet meaningful.
    “I don‟t know… you‟re all sweaty,” Ty said with mock distaste.
    He pressed his mouth and nose to Zane‟s cheek and smiled so Zane
    could feel it. He inhaled deeply, growling on the exhale. “You smell
    good, though.”
    The weight on Zane‟s chest let up a little as Ty kept his response
    light. Zane wasn‟t sure what he‟d been expecting. He reached out to
    drag his fingers down Ty‟s chest to his belly, where Zane‟s come had
    smeared between them. “Could shower first,” he offered.
    “No point in that,” Ty murmured. “Yet.”
    Zane grunted inquisitively.
    154 | Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux

    Ty smiled against his cheek again, then pulled his arm away and
    pushed himself to his feet with a groan. “Oh my God,” he bemoaned.
    “I‟m too old for that.”
    “Ha!” Zane scoffed from the floor. “As the man eight-plus years
    older than you who just got fucked to the point of not being able to
    remember to breathe, I disagree.”
    Ty‟s hand found his and pulled him to his feet. He pulled Zane
    closer despite both of them still being sticky and kissed him chastely.
    “Are you complaining?” Ty asked seriously.
    “Not even a tiny bit,” Zane murmured as he found his physical
    balance. He leaned closer into Ty‟s arms, seeking the comfort he
    craved and needed for his emotional balance, which felt like an
    unbolted teeter-totter.
    “Good. ‟Cause that took a lot of energy,” Ty said with obvious
    amusement. He let his hand slide down Zane‟s arm, and he took his
    hand. “Come on. I want to keep you in bed long enough