Cut and Run 5 - Armed and Dangerous

back at Zane. “Which one has the bluegrass and which one has blue grass?”
    Zane barely resisted the impulse to shake him again. It wouldn’t help, but it might help him feel better. “I’m not asking where Burns told you you were.”
    Ty nodded, refusing to comment on that.
    Zane shook his head and then glanced up at the ceiling before meeting his lover’s gaze again. “You just left,” Zane said, and he made no effort to hide his upset.
    Ty glanced around the terminal, then looked back at Zane and flopped his hands. “I had to. I don’t know how to explain it; it’s just sometimes it feels like… like the world is shrinking around me. Like if I don’t get out and away that it’ll catch me and crush me. And I know that sounds stupid, but it’s a real feeling and I panic. I woke up that morning and I just had to go.” He reached up and put his palm against Zane’s cheek again. It was like he couldn’t help himself. “I tried to wake you, I really did. I even shook you!”
    “You shook me.”
    “Well… I poked you.”
    “Ty!”
    “I know! You were sleeping so soundly and…. You looked happy and safe so I let you sleep.”
    “I was,” Zane said, too loud, and Ty glanced around. Zane stopped and gritted his teeth before continuing, his voice lowered again, “I was. And then I woke up.”
    Ty met his eyes with difficulty. Even with the fear Zane could see, Ty was more rested and pulled together than he had been five days ago, when he’d resembled a train going off the rails. He looked so much more like himself. Zane recognized just how stressed Ty must have been before taking off, and he could see that wherever Ty had been, it had helped.
    “When I left that morning I intended to be back that night. Or at least the next morning. I swear, Zane, if I’d known I’d be gone this long I would have tried to stick it out.” Ty waited a few breaths and then added, “I’m sorry.”
    It didn’t help Zane feel any better about the situation, especially when Ty’s sincere remorse highlighted how he was acting like a stereotypical jilted lover. Jealous, demanding, cranky. Zane grimaced. It just wasn’t fair that he had been the one left behind and yet he still looked like the asshole. “There’s no way I’m going to come out of this looking good.”
    Ty grabbed his arm as Zane turned away, stepping in front of him to face him. “What do you care if you come out of it looking good? The only person seeing you is me, and I know what I did was shitty. What do you care if we fight in front of a bunch of strangers who’ll never see us again? I know you’re angry, Zane. Show it. Just get it out so it doesn’t sit inside you and blow up later.”
    Zane looked into his eyes and saw the near desperation there, and suddenly he could see the core of what had been bothering Ty. Neither of them had ever felt comfortable showing what they were feeling. For the first time, Zane could see just how badly Ty needed that. But Zane was too close to losing his temper as he stood there and looked into Ty’s eyes. “What do you want me to say?” The words came out graveled and curt.
    Ty put both hands out, palms up. “I don’t know, bitch at me? Tell me it’s okay? Say something . I’m damn near groveling, here, Zane.”
    “You scared me, Ty. Scared me,” Zane snapped back, loud enough that people started glancing at them.
    “I know,” Ty said, still calm. “I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry I bolted without saying anything to you. I’m sorry I left when you needed me. If I could go back, I’d do it differently. But I’m not sorry for going. You and I both know I needed it. And somewhere in there, you know I needed to do it alone.”
    “I wouldn’t have stopped you,” Zane said in a more controlled tone.
    “I know, Zane.”
    “Then why the hell didn’t you wake me?”
    “I was afraid… I was afraid if I woke you and looked into your eyes I wouldn’t be able to go. And I had to go, Zane, I had to.”
    Zane sighed. The anger was melting away, even after almost a week of percolating. Zane wanted to resent Ty for being so easy to forgive. He had expected to be hit with Ty’s charm, not this disarming sincerity. Even though fear and worry remained, they were blunted by the desperately happy part of him that just wanted Ty with him, no matter what. And he was glad to see Ty looking healthy again.
    Ty nodded. “You’re understandably pissed.”
    “You’re damn right I am.”
    “Why