Cutler 03 - Twilight's Child

sorts of ways to hurt us." She looked down. "Jimmy and I love each other as much as two people can love each other in this world, and nothing can change that," I said. "But that doesn't mean we can't love other people very much, too. It's because we have such love for each other that we understand how important it is.
    "You can't be selfish if you want people to love you, Fern. But more important," I said, "you can't love anyone if you love yourself more. Do you understand?"
    She nodded, but I didn't think she understood nor wanted to just yet. She still had defiance in her eyes.
    "Do I have to go back?" she repeated.
    "No," I replied. "You can still stay with us."
    She looked up, surprised.
    "Because we want you to stay, we want you to be a better person, we want to love you and have you love us. But that will happen only if you don't lie and cheat and steal. It will happen only if you are honest and really care."
    "You will be on probation here with us," Jimmy said sternly. "You understand that?"
    "Yes, Jimmy."
    "All right, then. First thing you do is take the money you stole and go over to the hotel and give it back to Mrs. Bradly, along with the' best apology you can dream up," he commanded.
    "I can't!" she cried.
    "It takes a lot more courage to do right sometimes than it does to do wrong, but once you do it, you're gonna feel a lot better about yourself, honey," Jimmy said.
    "Everyone's going to hate me and think horrible things about me," she moaned.
    "For a while, perhaps," I said. "But if you want them to think better of you, you will have to earn it."
    "Go on, Fern," Jimmy commanded.
    Fern swallowed hard and slipped off the bed. She went to the shoe box and counted out the money she had stolen. She stuffed it into her pocket and left the room.
    "Do you think she's going to change?" Jimmy asked.
    "I don't know, Jimmy. You don't erase years and years of misbehavior, distrust and deceit overnight. But," I said sighing, "we'll give her the chance."
    Jimmy put his arm around my shoulders.
    "Did I ever tell you that you're just about the best reason for me to get up every morning?" he asked.
    "Not for a couple of minutes, you haven't."
    "Well, let me just do that. Better yet," he said, turning me toward our bedroom, "let me show you."

 
    19

WINDS OF CHANGE
     
    A GREAT MANY CHANGES OCCURRED IN OUR LIVES THAT WINTER.
    Unfortunately, Fern's turning over a new leaf was not one of them. Despite her promises, her behavior at school continued to be a problem for us. On two occasions Jimmy had to leave work to have a meeting with the principal and Fern's teachers. She was still being insolent in class. We would punish her for a while, and for a while she would improve, but then she would do something to throw us all back to step one.
    She continued to be selfish and inconsiderate, playing her rock-and-roll music so loud it vibrated through the walls, finding reasons not to help with household chores and breaking curfew after curfew. She would go into mood swings that took her from utter tragedy, where she would cry at the drop of a pin and peck at her food like a bird, to periods of ecstasy, when she would float through the house dreaming of a new boyfriend.
    She did become a budding dark beauty. She let her hair grow long and sat at her vanity table brushing it for hours while Christie sat beside her on the floor jabbering away. Unfortunately, Fern continued to choose school friends much older than herself. Even so, we tried to be understanding and permitted her to go to her first school dance. She went with a boy three years older, and she marched into the house that night two hours after her curfew.
    Jimmy was beside himself. He bawled her out, threatened, imposed new punishments, and did all that he could. Fern fell back on familiar excuses for her bad behavior. She used them so often, they became her anthem: "I had a horrible childhood. I was deserted by my real family. I'm trying."
    As usual, in the end Jimmy felt bad and softened, and she was forgiven.
    "I guess it's just going to take her a little longer," he said.
    That spring Christie performed her first piano recital for our hotel guests. She wore a pink chiffon dress with crinoline under the skirt and had her long golden hair brushed down until it fell softly to the middle of her back. She melted hearts just marching into the room and curtsying. Then she sat down and played a piece of a Mozart concerto, as well as Brahms' Lullaby. Philip and Betty Ann's