Dead as a Doornail

right. Of course, the shooter must have been aiming for my heart.
    Bill got me back into the bed as deftly as if he’d been nursing people all his life. He’d already smoothed the bed and shaken the pillows, and I felt much more comfortable. But the shoulder continued to nag me, and I pressed the pain button. My mouth was dry, and I asked Bill if there was water in the plastic pitcher. Bill pressed the Nurse button. When her tinny voice came over the intercom, Bill said, “Some water for Miss Stackhouse,” and the voice squawked back that she’d be right down. She was, too. Bill’s presence might have had something to do with her speed. People might have accepted the reality of vampires, but that didn’t meant they liked undead Americans. Lots of middle-class Americans just couldn’t relax around vamps. Which was smart of them, I thought.
    “Where are we?” I asked.
    “Grainger,” he said. “I get to sit with you in a different hospital this time.” Last time, I’d been in Renard Parish Hospital in Clarice.
    “You can go down the hall and visit Calvin.”
    “If I had any interest in doing so.”
    He sat on the bed. Something about the deadness of the hour, the strangeness of the night, made me feel like being frank. Maybe it was just the drugs.
    “I never was in a hospital till I knew you,” I said.
    “Do you blame me?”
    “Sometimes.” I watched his face glow. Other people didn’t always know a vamp when they saw one; that was hard for me to understand.
    “When I met you, that first night I came into Merlotte’s,I didn’t know what to think of you,” he said. “You were so pretty, so full of vitality. And I could tell there was something different about you. You were interesting.”
    “My curse,” I said.
    “Or your blessing.” He put one of his cool hands on my cheek. “No fever,” he said to himself. “You’ll heal.” Then he sat up straighter. “You slept with Eric while he was staying with you.”
    “Why are you asking, if you already know?” There was such a thing as too much honesty.
    “I’m not asking. I knew when I saw you together. I smelled him all over you; I could tell how you felt about him. We’ve had each other’s blood. It’s hard to resist Eric,” Bill went on in a detached way. “He’s as vital as you are, and you share a zest for life. But I’m sure you know that . . .” He paused, seemed to be trying to think how to frame what he wanted to say.
    “I know that you’d be happy if I never slept with anyone else in my life,” I said, putting his thoughts into words for him.
    “And how do you feel about me?”
    “The same. Oh, but wait, you already did sleep with someone else. Before we even broke up.” Bill looked away, the line of his jaw like granite. “Okay, that’s water under the bridge. No, I don’t want to think about you with Selah, or with anyone. But my head knows that’s unreasonable.”
    “Is it unreasonable to hope that we’ll be together again?”
    I considered the circumstances that had turned me against Bill. I thought of his infidelity with Lorena; but she had been his maker, and he had had to obey her. Everything I’d heard from other vamps had confirmed what he’d told me about that relationship. I thought of his near-rape of me in the trunk of a car; but he’d been starved and tortured,and hadn’t known what he was doing. The minute he’d come to his senses, he’d stopped.
    I remembered how happy I’d been when I’d had what I thought was his love. I’d never felt more secure in my life. How false a feeling that had been: He’d become so absorbed in his work for the Queen of Louisiana that I’d begun to come in a distant second. Out of all the vampires who could have walked into Merlotte’s Bar, I’d gotten the workaholic.
    “I don’t know if we can ever have the same relationship again,” I said. “It might be possible, when I’m a little less raw from the pain of it. But I’m glad you’re here tonight, and I wish you would lie down with me for a little while . . . if you want to.” I moved over on the narrow bed and turned on my right side, so the wounded shoulder was up. Bill lay down behind me and put his arm over me. No one could approach me without him knowing. I felt perfectly secure, absolutely safe, and cherished. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I mumbled as the medicine kicked in. As I was drifting off to sleep again, I remembered my New Year’s Eve resolution: I wanted not to