Devils & Blue Dresses: My Wild Ride as a Rock and Roll Legend

years. Now there was the group I would come to call the Thrashing Brothers. The Thrashing Brothers lasted longer than any of the others for many reasons, one being Tom Connor’s reliable stint at the helm.
    There were other musicians, some for a day, some for a month, some even for a year, but these above-mentioned groups were, basically, the groups I recorded with. I’m sorry that Spirit Feel never had a chance for the public to hear their interactions with me in the studio, but I do have a completed album of just such a thing, and at some time in the future I will place it in the natural sequence of events.
    As usual, there wasn’t enough money to lay back and record at will, so we were forced to perform live. This made me unhappy because I wanted to focus on making the best recording of my career. I wanted to prove to the world that the New Yorkmusic industry was being punitive and vengeful, and by creating a work whose artistry could not be denied, I would restore my rightful place in the history of rock and roll.
    Oh, I forgot one important thing. Why would radio play this record if they hated me? I wasn’t in the mood to deal with simple truths at this point, so we began to tour with one small concession to my delicate psyche. We would not tour in the United States. I can see where that appears selfish and mean-spirited if you are one of my American fans, but I held so much contempt for the American music industry that I was only willing to work within boundaries that I absolutely had to. So, for more than a year and a half, we toured every inch of Canada.
    The most important change for everyone, but especially for me, was how I now perceived myself. I had found fame and lost my fortune as a star but now I considered myself an artist, and I began taking myself very seriously. To take myself seriously I had to go back and examine my entire career. Then, once committed to and understanding the revelations, I adopted those lessons in the form of a daily routine of self-criticism and dedication to my art form. Then I had to back off and lighten up a little, or run the risk of taking myself even more seriously. It was a delicate balance in view of the fact that I was, in the beginning, the only person to see myself in such a way.
    What made the proposition even more difficult was my resistance to re-examining my life outside of my career. My personal life. Consequently, I was short-changing the entire truth of my experience. Having recognized the problem, I began to tap into my feelings much more deeply than I thought possible, which was an uplifting accomplishment. Still, although my art could now be filled with passion and truth, I refused to take the painful extra step forward that could lead me to the only real reward in the lives we live, and that was to change myself, my behavior, and the bad habits I so depended on for my validation as a human being. For a long time it seemed I could not summon the courage to bring about such change. My ability to find happiness was put on hold as I continued to revel in the role of the victim.
    Suffering makes for compelling drama and from an artistic view there is nothing more cheaply purchased and yet so gratifying as cheap drama. It is the place where artists go to show they are still alive, but haven’t begun to live. My story was going to be honestly told, so I didn’t want to complicate the process with the time consuming effort to better myself as a person. I felt that if I took that path I might somehow pervert or destroy the reality I depended on to create. As a result, many of my efforts for years to come, however important, were created through the honest but clouded view of substance abuse and alcohol addiction.
    I’m well aware of the arguments that could be made to challenge my claim to the legitimacy of my work through those times, but such arguments are lies from people who never had the courage to undress in public. I was creating. And it was beautiful toexperience, drunk or sober. I began work on the album
How I Spent My Vacation
. It was to be an auto-biographical concept album that showed a side of me that had never been acknowledged or made public, and it was also going to be as honest as the day is long.
    The “Vacation” album took a year and a half to complete, due to budgetary concerns, and it stands as one of my better achievements to date. The magnificent contributions and professionalism of Wayne Gabriel on guitar demonstrates the