Do You Remember the First Time?

calm down!’
    He was quiet after that.
    ‘My brother was asking after you,’ he said finally. ‘Do you have some kind of unbelievable effect on old guys that the rest of us can’t see?’
    ‘Your brother isn’t old!’ I said, still snuffly and not quite right in the head.
    ‘Do you know him?’
    ‘Um, no. But he didn’t look that old.’
    ‘He’s ancient! He’s sixteen years older than me.’
    I swallowed hard. ‘Oh. Oh God, really? Maybe I didn’t see him properly.’
    ‘Well, he was certainly looking at you. He asked if you were still working in the Co-op.’
    ‘Just gave it up,’ I said.
    ‘You know, you aren’t at all the kind of person I thought you would be,’ said Justin. ‘You’ve quite the secret mystery life.’
    I had to choke back a hysterical gasp of laughter. ‘You have no idea.’
    ‘Do you know where to get drugs and stuff?’
    ‘Yes. But I’m not telling you.’
    ‘Oh,’ he said.
    ‘They make you very boring,’ I said.
    ‘Well, I’m very bored, so I’d take a chance.’
    The bell rang. I couldn’t get used to the bells at all; I instinctively ignored them. Justin, however, moved like a well-trained dog.
    ‘Are you sure you’re OK?’
    ‘Much better, thanks. Sorry. It’s been a tough old day.’
    ‘Yeah, breaking up with someone’s hard. I broke up with Sonya Heeley, and that was really bad.’
    ‘How long did you date Sonya Heeley?’
    ‘Two weeks,’ he pouted. ‘But that’s not what matters, is it?’
    ‘No,’ I said slowly, getting to my feet. ‘No, it isn’t.’ I headed for the top of the stairs.
    ‘Um, I’m kind of having a party on Saturday night,’ Justin said suddenly, embarrassed and staring at the ground. ‘You can come if you like.’
    ‘Um, yeah, alright,’ I said, without thinking. If I was here, I was here. ‘Can I bring Stanzi?’
    ‘Who?’
    ‘The—’
    ‘The nutty Italian you hang out with.’
    ‘She’s not nutty.’
    ‘She looks nutty.’
    ‘OK, she’s nutty. Can she come or not?’
    ‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Just … you know. You’re not allowed to bring any of those boy grown-ups you know.’
    That won’t be a problem,’ I said, blinking hard.
    My dad’s face was like thunder. I didn’t even notice when I got back, completely distracted with my own predicament. I walked straight past him.
    ‘Flora Jane Scurrison!’
    I slowly turned round. He was furious.
    ‘We are talking NOW! Your mother’s in there, crying her eyes out.’
    Mum came to the door. ‘Flora, darling. What have you been doing?’
    ‘Nothing, Mum.’
    My mother was looking at me, quivering. Her face was white. ‘Flora, we know you’re not a baby any more, but we really need to have a serious talk about your behaviour. Dad saw that man this morning.’
    Oh, for Christ’s sake. So much for our sweetshop subterfuge.
    ‘Yes, yes,’ I said. ‘Does it have to be now? Please? Can we have it, but just in a couple of days? Please?’
    ‘Sit down!’ said my dad. ‘This family is going to have a chat together once and for all!’
    Suddenly my crappy day and my anger caught fire. ‘That’s rich coming from you!’ I screamed.
    There was silence. There was a distinct power imbalance in the room.
    ‘What’s his name?’ my dad went on.
    My mother was wearing that unhappy, downtrodden face that I was to get to know so well over the next sixteen years and I couldn’t bear it for one minute longer. Nothing could be worse than that. Puce-faced and entirely het up with rage and upset, I let it out.
    ‘I’m amazed you even noticed,’ I spat. ‘You’re never here. How would you know? All you do is shout at Mum. Or ignore her. Or go out. Don’t think I don’t see what’s going on. Don’t ask what’s his name. What’s hers ?’
    There was a huge silence. My mother went even paler, if that were possible.
    My dad was glaring at me. Within two milliseconds, it became too late for him to splutter out a knee-jerk denialof something that wasn’t true. I noticed his fingers were shaking. I didn’t want to make my father’s hand shake. Oh God. Was there anything today I couldn’t fuck up absolutely completely? We stood in a frozen triangle, staring at each other. I took the only path I could remember. I marched out and slammed the door. As soon as I hit the cooling autumn night, I realised how stupid that was. Red-faced I stuck my head back round the door.
    ‘I’m going out,’ I said. ‘I’m not going to do anything bad, so don’t call