Doctor at Sea

rival next to her.
    ‘Now there’s a girl for you. Came across her in Adelaide. Last time we were there her brother came and socked me on the nose. She still writes to me, though.’
    ‘I hope he didn’t hurt you.’
    ‘He did a bit. He’s one of the wharfies. That one’s from St John. But this Sheila here’s the best of the bunch. Lives in Durban. Father’s got pots of cash.’
    ‘You seem to scatter your affections pretty widely.’
    ‘They all love sailors. When a girl knows a fellow’s going half-way round the world in a week’s time she takes the brakes off a bit. Have a seat on the bunk.’
    I sat down and rested my head uncomfortably on the paper bosom of a blonde.
    The other guests arrived together. There was Hornbeam, the crazy Sparks, Whimble, the Second Steward, and the Chief, Second, Third, and Fourth Engineers. Archer was absent, keeping Hornbeam’s watch on the bridge. The ten of us crammed ourselves into the tiny cabin. Hornbeam had his elbow in my face and his shoes on the Chief Engineer’s knees. Whimble wedged himself behind the door and stuck his feet against the end of the bunk. The host struggled between everyone’s legs, handing out drinks. I felt that something would shortly give way and project the lot of us into the sea. The Third’s health was drunk by all hands.
    ‘Have another, Doc,’ he said.
    ‘No, really ...’
    ‘Come off it! It’s only five bob a bottle.’ He half-filled my tumbler again.’ How do you like the sea?’ he asked.
    ‘It is a very interesting form of existence.’
    ‘Of course, you realize this is only part of it,’ Hornbeam explained.’ It varies a good bit. As you know, British ships are in three classes.’
    ‘Tankers ...?’
    ‘No. First of all there’s the P. & O. Then there’s the Merchant Navy, which is the set-up we’re in. After that there’s the Old Grey Funnel line.’
    ‘Also known as the Royal Navy,’ McDougall explained.’ It was nationalized years ago.’
    ‘The P. & O. must not be confused with ordinary hookers,’ Hornbeam continued.’ It’s a sort of - well, a floating Horse Guards, if you get me. They hate to be called Merchantmen. If you make a noise drinking your soup ...’
    ‘They wear swords and spurs,’ Trail said.
    ‘I don’t believe it.’
    ‘Well, they ought to. Oh, very posh, very posh. Good shower of bastards on the whole, though. Have some more gin.’
    ‘Not for...Oh, all right, as you’ve poured it out. It tastes better than the stuff you get ashore.’
    ‘Everything does. By the way, you know the Second Engineer, Doc? Mr Macpherson.’
    ‘Pleased to meet you.’
    ‘Mr McPhail the Third and Mr Macintosh the Fourth.’
    ‘What, are you all Scots in the engine-room?’
    ‘We’ve a Taffy and a couple of Geordies,’ Macpherson said. ‘Had to have them in to do the dirty work.’
    ‘You know what they say,’ McDougall added proudly.’ If you open the engine-room hatch of any British ship and shout “Jock” someone’ll be bound to come up.’
    McPhail started singing’ I belong to Glasgow,’ but petered out for lack of support.
    ‘Coming ashore with us in Santos, Doc?’ Hornbeam asked.
    ‘Certainly. I intend to take advantage of the voyage to broaden my education.’
    ‘Santos will broaden it all right. Plenty of nice girls there.’
    ‘I’m sure I should be pleased if you’d introduce me to them.’
    , This remark started everyone laughing.
    ‘You don’t need any introductions. It’s keeping them away that’s the trouble.’
    ‘Well, I shall not be interested in meeting any of that sort.’
    ‘Oh, you’ll have to come with us to Madame Mimi’s,’ Hornbeam said reproachfully.’ It would be like going to London and missing the Houses of Parliament.’
    ‘Are you suggesting,’ I said coldly,’ that I should visit a brothel?’
    ‘Where the hell else do you think there is to go in Santos?’ Trail said testily.’ Anyway, Madame Mimi’s is as respectable as the Liverpool Museum.’
    ‘I-wouldn’t put that past suspicion,’ Hornbeam said. Trail cut the conversation short by pouring out gin all round and beginning a complicated story about two sailors losing their way in Lime Street station.
    After an hour everyone was pretty cheerful.
    ‘Don’t make such a row,’ Trail said. ‘Father’ll hear.’
    ‘To hell with Father,’ I heard myself say.
    ‘Spoken like a sailor, Doc!’ Hornbeam slapped me on the chest.’ Good old Doc! Best one I’ve ever sailed