Down London Road

think about cuddling.
    I took a big gulp of the ice-cold water he’d brought me and thanked him. And then before I could say anything, he gently nudged me over and got into the bed beside me, his arm coming around my shoulder to draw me against his chest. ‘What are you doing?’ I mumbled, but I didn’t really protest.
    Cam sighed heavily, his fingers brushing through my hair. ‘I’ve been through hell and back in the last few days, Jo. Just let me hold you.’
    Tears pricked my eyes. ‘I know you didn’t sleep with her.’
    ‘It looked bad, though, and you weren’t in any state to think anything else but the obvious.’
    My fist clenched, curling into a tight ball. I hadn’t even realized I’d done it until Cam pushed his fingers against mine, forcing me to relax my hand. His thumb rubbed soothingly over my palm where my nails had bitten into the skin. ‘I’m almost afraid to ask this, but … why was she there?’
    I felt his hesitation and my heart automatically lodged a complaint with a
bang, bang, bang
against my chest. ‘Cam?’
    He turned his head and pressed his mouth against my forehead, breathing me in. When he pulled back, he replied softly, ‘She turned up late at the flat, distraught and a bit drunk. I let her in. She threw herself at me.’
    It was decided. I hated her.
    ‘I pushed her off, told her nothing could happen between us and I thought it was best she leave, but she broke down crying and I felt like a bastard. I couldn’t just throw her out.’
    I swallowed past the lump in my throat. ‘She’s still in love with you?’
    ‘She doesn’t know me,’ he answered, sounding irritated.
    ‘I’ll take that as a yes.’
    ‘We sat talking for ages, going around in circles until she started to sober up. She asked to use my shower and crash for the night. By then we were on the same page and I felt bad for her, so I said yes.’
    It took me a moment but I asked, ‘Same page?’
    Cam shifted away from me tentatively, and only so he could look me in the eye. His haggard face was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and the ache in my chest intensified for him. I lifted my gaze from the soft, sexy curl of his upper lip to his eyes and my breath caught at his expression.
    It was vulnerable and raw and open …
    He was naked and bleeding for me.
    ‘I told her something I should have told you ages ago.’ He cupped a large hand around my neck, drawing me closer. ‘I’ve never met anyone as quietly brave and strong as you. I’ve never met a woman so unassuming, so kind and so selfless. You are a complex lady.’ His mouth curledup at the corners. ‘And you are smart, and passionate, and funny, and exciting, and you blow me fucking away. When I first saw you, I wanted you like I’d never wanted anyone. When you first tore me a new one, I wanted to know you. And when I got to know you, when I stood across a kitchen and you told me not to kill a spider because it didn’t say much for us as a species if we killed something because we feared it, I knew. I knew that I would never meet anyone as beautiful or as compassionate or as determined. I’ve known for a while that I was in love with you, Jo. I’ve known and I should have told you.’
    Tears streamed down my cheeks and Cam’s thumb did its best to catch them all. My chin trembled as I asked, ‘Why didn’t you?’
    He quirked an eyebrow at me. ‘Maybe for the same reason you didn’t tell me.’ He leaned in to place a very careful but sweet kiss on my mouth. When he pulled back he continued. ‘Last week, the Saturday we met Blair and I went quiet on you?’
    ‘Yeah?’
    ‘It wasn’t about Blair, baby. It was about you. About us.’
    ‘I don’t understand.’
    Cam’s hand slipped down my arm, his knuckles caressing my skin in soothing strokes. ‘When we bumped into Blair, it was a shock and it was strange. When she and I dated I thought I was in love with her. We were together three years and I didn’t take it well when it ended. But standing there, looking at her, I didn’t feel anything but a distant familiarity. There was no hurt or love or anything but a friendly gladness to see her.’ His eyes darkened. ‘As we were standing there I got stuck in this thought … thethought of me walking down Princes Street ten years in the future with some faceless woman on my arm, and bumping into you when you weren’t mine any more. Because everyone leaves eventually, I thought.’ He huffed in what seemed like pain and