Dr Jew

it is. Sergio keeps flying down to LA for reshoots as new data comes in about Swine-AIDS, or disappearing for weeks at a time at the Luftmeister Ranch in Marin to edit the thing. The studio we're working with is going crazy. They want to get their hands on the film and get Sergio out of the picture."
    "Yes, Dune … The Magnificent Ambersons … we know the story."
    "First they wanted a Christmas release for '11, then a summer release this year, and now they're hoping for a Christmas release again. Can you believe it? Less than a month away and they still don't know if it'll be out on time."
    "Yes, nothing like a Swine-AIDS epic to remind people what Christmas is about."
    "I just want it to end. Every time he cuts a scene or makes a change, he calls me in to change the texture , as he puts it."
    "I know the feeling," said Dr. Jew. "Sometimes I just want a patient to die so I can stop their bleating."
    "What?" said Glassdick.
    "What?" said Dr. Jew. Then he retraced his words and realized the unintended effect they may have had. "Oh, Mr. Glassdick, not you, of course! Hahahahahaha. No, I was merely speaking figuratively as we poets are known to do. A'ight?"
    Glassdick still looked uncomfortable.
    "You know, Glassdick, I must tell you that when I heard Simpatico had turned his energy to a Swine-AIDS film, I immediately proffered my expertise and assistance in any technical – or artistic – capacity in all his present and future endeavors. I contacted an underling at Simpaticofilm Limited and told her I'd be glad to consult on the script and strip away inaccuracies. Every story needs hard science and a hard scientist. The Hollywood fiction machine and its gross misrepresentations! I also said I could ghostwrite dialogue or do a voice-over or a bit of narration to open up the film, kind of like Olivier's Hamlet but better, you know?
    "I don 't –"
    "It was a rhetorical question, you need not answer. I got a generic reply from one of Simpatico's peons, so I sent off a screenplay I wrote a few hours after receiving the letter. Haven't heard a thing since. I can only assume that come Christmas day I'll be rewarded by a visit to the local theatrical establishment and get to enjoy my vision come to life. I ask for no financial compensation, only that my name be in the credits and yes, you may tell Sergio, yes, it would be nice if he returned my phone calls or stopped by to let me know of the film's progress – I confess that I've followed a few hundred of the links on the internet about the film and must say I'm more than a little shocked by the alterations he seems to be making in the script, but – heheh – that's show business, kid! I understand. I truly do. I… I do. Just… when you see Sergio, let him know that I'll be first in line come Christmas day. It would be nice to hear my voice do the narration, but as Elvis said, 'You can't always get what you want.' Just tell Sergio to keep his eyeballs peeled and close to the mailbox for my next script. A sort of autobiographical little thing – no, you shall not have the title, but I'll give you a hint: It's on my business card."
    Dr. Jew ninja-starred a business card into Glassdick 's lap. It only said "DR. JEW" in huge letters, but affixed to the back was a USB stick.
    "You 're welcome," said Dr. Jew.
    "Um," said Glassdick.
    "But enough about the film world! You and I, Mr. Glassdick, gravitate to more perennial media, n'est-ce pas ? And since you and I are so equal-minded, would it not be wonderful if we fused our brains – I speak metaphorically, relax – and birthed into this world a creation that finally took a crap on Beethoven and Schiller's unification for the so-called 9th Symphony ?"
    "You really are a poet," said Glassdick.
    "I'm glad like recognizes like. Kindred spirits! To us!" Dr. Jew raised his glass.
    "I actually don 't drink alcohol."
    "Really? And I always thought that Gemini Headbook must have been inspired by a hangover. All those bells."
    "It was actually inspired by bells."
    "Huh. Fascinating. Well, once you're done with Simpatico's little filmic enterprise I can offer you a little more inspiration than Chinese bells, or whatever they were."
    "They – "
    "I 'll get to work on the poem immediately."
    "What poem?" said Glassdick.
    " Our poem. For our collaboration."
    "Our… ?"
    "The ideas are already coming… yes, a virus that makes everyone sexually attracted to everyone else… rampaging through society… and who can help them but a lone