Earthseed

almost empty. She walked into the hall and stared for a moment at Halim al-Haq’s portrait; his eyes seemed to follow her.
    She felt closed in; the corridor suddenly seemed too small, too constricting. She hurried down the hall toward the Hollow, and then spotted Jennifer; the other girl was moving slowly, head bobbing. Zoheret caught up with her. “Where are you going?”
    “The Hollow.”
    “I’m going there, too. Want company?”
    “I don’t care,” Jennifer sputtered.
    “Are you sure you can walk that far?”
    “My ankle’s all right now.”
    They continued in silence. The corridor was still; the voices of the others receded. Jennifer’s head, as usual, trembled slightly; her face was stony.
    They came to the Hollow; the door slid open. It was dark; Zoheret squinted as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. “Be careful,” Ship murmured.
    Jennifer sat down. Zoheret stretched out on her back. A bird chirped above and was answered by the howl of a distant wolf.
    “We lost,” Jennifer said softly, “because of me.”
    Zoheret rolled over and rested on one elbow. “You did fine. Even Manuel said so.” His name caught in her throat. “We might have won if we hadn’t helped Red, but I doubt it. You kept up.”
    “It isn’t that. We lost because I told Ho our route.”
    Zoheret sat up. So it hadn’t been Gervais after all. “I thought someone told him, but I never guessed it was you.”
    “Not so loud. Ship might hear.” Jennifer mumbled something else that Zoheret could not make out, then said, “He scared me. He said he could really hurt me and not leave marks.”
    “It’s not your fault.”
    “I was in one of the tunnels just outside the corridors. I used to go there when I was little, just to be alone—I had my own secret place under a tarp, by some girders. Ho must have followed me. He started slapping me around. He didn’t even do that much, but I knew he would, so I told him. I shouldn’t have gone where Ship doesn’t have sensors, and it wouldn’t have happened.”
    “It doesn’t matter.”
    “He knew I couldn’t fight back. And now he knows I’m afraid of him. He said it didn’t matter, no one would know I told him. He couldn’t even tell his team. But I knew.” Jennifer was slurring her words more than usual, and Zoheret had to concentrate to understand them. “Don’t tell the others. Manuel didn’t want me on the team, and he was right.”
    “I won’t tell. I promise.”
    “I know you won’t. You don’t go around talking. That’s why I told you. I had to tell somebody.”
    “You should have told Ship. It would have disqualified him.”
    “Sure. And Ho really would have fixed me then.”
    “Don’t blame yourself, Jen. Ho’s just—”
    “Ship said his team won. That’s like saying everything he did is all right.”
    Ship does think it’s all right, Zoheret thought. That’s what it wants us to learn, that we have to survive and that means doing whatever we have to do. No rules, no fair play. You look out for yourself, and if somebody gets in the way, too bad. Ship should have been clearer about that during all the years it had taught them.
    “Jen, we’d better go back.”
    “Go ahead.”
    “I won’t leave without you.” Zoheret got up and waited. At last the other girl stood. “Just forget it. A lot of people would have done the same thing you did.” Not me, she thought. I wouldn’t have given in.
    Jennifer did not respond.

6
    Zoheret studied herself in the mirror and brushed back a lock of straight black hair, then smoothed her pink shirt and pulled at her white pants. She had spent part of the day in her room, glancing at the screen, imagining that Manuel would call. She had gone swimming later, hoping she would see him in the gym, and had raced back to her room afterward, thinking he might have left a message. He had not. Then she had called his room. No one had answered; she left no message.
    As she walked toward the door, she felt a twinge of guilt about attending the party; Lillka had looked dismayed when she had heard Zoheret was going after all. Well, it was easy for Lillka not to attend; she would rather read in the library no matter what was going on.
    She paused in the doorway, adjusting her shirt again. Ship said, “You look fine.”
    “What would you know about it?” she said harshly. “If I take a shower and comb my hair, I look fine to you.”
    “Vanity, vanity,” Ship chided.
    The corridor was empty; she would be one of