Earthseed

said, “I’m not going with Ho either. He knows. Besides, I’ll be safer here. He still holds a grudge. If he feels he can trust the people around him, maybe things will work out for them.”
    Zoheret felt a twinge; now she knew why Dora was staying. “Good. We’ll all have to work a bit harder now, so we can use you.”
    Dora murmured her thanks, then wandered back to the crowd. Zoheret waited for Manuel to follow his friend, but instead he drew closer to her. A circle of dancers had formed near one of the fires; in its center, Maire, her belly already large with the child she was carrying, danced with Aleksandr, clapping her hands and then clasping his. Luis was among the dancers; the goggles that had given him some sight made him look like an alien creature who had joined the dance. Manuel gazed at his once-blind brother, and smiled.
    “I haven’t talked to Ship yet,” Manuel said. “I was going to do it tonight. Want to come along?”
    “I don’t talk to Ship.”
    “I know that. But can’t you at least say good-bye? It’d like to hear your voice.”
    “Oh, no, it wouldn’t. And it isn’t going to.”
    He took her arm. “Say good-bye. You can’t be that cruel. You’ll never have to talk to it again.”
    That remark should have given her a bitter satisfaction; instead, she felt worse. She gazed toward the eastern horizon; one moon, a small pale disk against blackness, was rising. The second moon, still invisible, would overtake it by morning.
    “Come with me anyway.” Manuel pulled at her arm.
    She took his hand away. “Wrong arm.”
    “It’s part of you.” He took her left arm again. They walked silently to the library dome and climbed the steps, entering the large room. Shelves of microfiche tapes and readers rested on the balcony overhead; the librarian, a small, square metal box, sat on the nearest table. The door to the radio room was open; the dim light revealed that the room was empty.
    “Go on in.” He tugged at her.
    “No. I’ll wait here.” He went in alone and she sat down on the floor next to the librarian, resting her elbows on the low table.
    “May I help you?” a soft voice said. She stared at the machine, which had always sounded oddly like Ship. It was as if Ship were leaving part of itself behind.
    “No, I’m just waiting for someone.”
    “If you would like something to read, please feel free to ask for its code. Or I can recommend a book.”
    “No, thank you.”
    She waited. Behind the half-open door, she could hear Manuel’s voice but not his words. She felt alone and empty. The sound of singing reached her from outside; there was a smattering of applause. Other people could sing, could still dance and laugh and joke. She had forgotten how. She had forgotten long before she became the leader; she had lost the ability when Geula had robbed her of her arm. Perhaps she had lost her capacity for joy even before that, when she had aimed her weapon at the towers.
    Manuel came up from behind and put a hand on her shoulder. She lifted her head. “Ship wants to talk. It asked me to tell you.”
    “You shouldn’t have told it I was here.”
    “It wants to hear you.”
    “I won’t go.”
    “Well, it can’t very well force you.” He sat down next to her.
    “It’s good that you’re not going with Ho.”
    “I think he’s making a mistake, but that’s his problem. Anyway, I want to stay with you.”
    She held her breath for a moment. “Oh. Well, you haven’t been in trouble the way the others have, and I know you have friends here.” That had to be all he had meant.
    “I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about us. You know me better than anyone else does.” She shook her head. “Oh, yes, you do. I don’t have to be with you all the time to know that. I can’t fool you, and you can’t fool me. I want to be with you, Zoheret.”
    “I thought Dora—”
    He looked away. “No. Oh, I like her. I like a lot of people. I still like Bonnie, though I’m sure she doesn’t know it and doesn’t care. But I’m sure of one thing. I want to be with you, I want my children to have you for their mother. I knew it when I saw Maire with Aleksandr, but I think I knew it even before. I need you.”
    “You just think you do.”
    “You’re the only thing that keeps me from being the way I once was, because I don’t want to disappoint you. And you need me. Sure, you have Lillka and Brendan and Tonio and the others on your board, but you need someone who