Earthseed

can help you forget about all those responsibilities for a while, too. And when you’re tired of being leader and it’s time for someone else to take over, you’ll need me. Zoheret, I know you care. Why don’t you admit it?”
    She gazed at him. “Maybe I do. But maybe it’s just a passing thing. I don’t know if I can live with you, and I don’t know if I ever want children.”
    “We’ll need children.”
    “There’ll be plenty of others—we can do without mine. They’ll just be born to suffer. I don’t know if I can stand bringing them up and then having to push them away from me, the way Ship is doing with us. If that’s all you want, you’d better find someone else.”
    “It isn’t all I want—I want you. I can do without the rest if that’s the only way I can be with you.”
    “You said I know you, Manuel. Well, I do. I know you won’t be satisfied just with me. There’ll be others.”
    “Maybe there will,” he said harshly. “But I won’t lie about them.” His mouth formed a half smile. “And let’s be practical—I won’t want their mates coming after me, either. I won’t make promises I can’t keep. Let me try, Zoheret. Maybe I’ll surprise you. If I can make you happy, you might change your mind about a lot of things. I think I’d be happy with you. And I can make you happy—you’ll never be sorry. I can promise you that. I’m tired of trying to find part of you in somebody else.”
    “Manuel.” He was suddenly holding her; she leaned her head against his shoulder. “All right,” she murmured. “We’ll try. I’ll hold you to your promise.” He gripped her more tightly, then reached for her left hand. “Wrong arm again.”
    “It isn’t.”
    “We’ll have to tell Lillka. She’ll have to find another room. Maybe she and Brendan will finally settle down. And we’ll probably have to have one of those stupid parties to announce our intentions. I wish people had never started having those ceremonies.”
    “Go talk to Ship,” he said. “Just do that one thing.”
    “All right,” she said reluctantly.
    They got up and walked to the door; she looked inside at the radio. After all this time, she didn’t know what to say. She had fought against her desire to hear Ship’s voice so often that she could not bring herself to step through the door. Manuel had to draw her inside and propel her toward the radio.
    “Ship?” The word came out unbidden.
    “Zoheret. It’s good to hear you again. I’ve missed you.”
    “Then don’t go. Please.”
    “I must. I have taken on more raw materials, and everything is ready. I thought you would understand by now. I thought you would forgive me.”
    Zoheret narrowed her eyes. So that was all it was; Ship wanted to leave without having to feel guilty. It wasn’t thinking of her at all. She looked away from the radio and met Manuel’s eyes. Interceding for Ship silently, he held out a hand.
    Her resentment faded as she thought of the past year. She had wanted to give up being the leader, had wanted to walk out of the settlement and never return. The loneliness had almost driven her to this room several times, but she had kept the promise she had made to herself. Now she would have Manuel’s love; Ship would have no one’s. Ship had tended to their needs without a thought for itself.
    “I forgive you, Ship.” The words came out more easily than she had expected. “I’m sorry—I was wrong. I should be asking you to forgive me.” She threw her arms around the radio and laughed. “I was foolish.”
    “Indeed you were.” Ship’s alto voice was gentle. “Yes, you are a foolish young woman. Others were more intelligent, more compassionate, more gifted, or more single minded and determined. You were always one who had to learn the hard way. Thickheaded—and stubborn, and too emotional. I’ll tell you a secret, Zoheret. I may have loved you the most, in spite of it. What an odd thing for me to admit—there were others who deserved it more, or who needed my love more, and I never showed my preference, but there it is. Part of me says that there must be a reason for it—that there is something in you which provoked the response, some exceptional quality or promise. But perhaps it is simply a mystery. Human beings created me as the best part of themselves, and your lives have changed me, but there is much about you I shall never know.”
    “You’ll have other children,” she said; her voice shook a little.