Empty Promises

suicide—in January 1984, long before he met Jami Hagel—Steve began to date Bettina Rauschberg.* Bettina was a prototype for Steve’s ideal woman, and she found him fun and loving when she first met him. Entranced, Bettina moved with Steve to Balboa Beach, California, in early 1984. They lived in an apartment there, but Bettina soon learned that Steve could erupt into violence whenever he imagined that she was unfaithful. She never considered being with another man and was upset when Steve wouldn’t trust her.
    Even so, when one of his friends dropped by their apartment, she didn’t think twice before telling the man he could wait for Steve. The friend was lying on the living room carpet watching TV and Bettina was in the kitchen making pizza when Steve came home half an hour later. He was agitated to begin with—she didn’t know why—and the sight of another man in the apartment threw him into a maniacal rage. Steve grabbed a bottle and smashed it over his friend’s head. The man ran, and Bettina raced for the bathroom, slamming it and locking it against Steve. She was scared to death of him when he was angry.
    “He broke down the door, broke through glass,” she said. “He hit me in the face and put his hands around my throat until I passed out.”
    Someone in a neighboring apartment called for an ambulance, and when Bettina came to, she was in the hospital. “Steve was sitting beside my bed, saying he didn’t know why he’d done that to me. He said he was sorry. He begged me not to leave him … I called his mother and she said she didn’t want to hear about it. So I stayed with him.”
    It was always like that; after he hurt her, Steve was contrite and seemingly horrified at his own violence. Nobody is as pitiful as a batterer when he swears he will never, ever, hit a woman again. For a while, during their second honeymoon period, Steve kept his word, but inevitably something set him off again.
    Bettina wasn’t encouraged to have friends of her own, but she met a couple at work who sensed that something was wrong in her life. When she confided in them about Steve’s abuse and how frightened she was sometimes, they told her that no one had to live in fear. The next time Steve blew up at her, she accepted the couple’s offer to move in with them.
    When they knew Steve was away, they took Bettina back to the apartment she’d shared with Steve so she could pack some of her clothing and belongings. Her key still worked in the front door, but when they walked in, they gasped in horror. All of Bettina’s stuffed animals and dolls lay on the carpet, and they had been neatly decapitated.
    There was a note that read “That’s what I’m going to do to you.”
    Bettina moved out, but only for a short time. She soon moved back in with Steve, convinced that he really would kill her if she stayed away too long.
    Bettina stayed with Steve through a number of other brutal incidents, relenting each time when he sobbed that he couldn’t get along without her. His promises meant nothing at all. By May 1985 they were back in Lynnwood when police were called to a fitness club where they worked out. They found Bettina bruised and scratched. Tearfully, she told them that Steve had hit her in the face several times and kicked her car. She had made the mistake of trying to break up with him. He was arrested on May 29 for simple assault and malicious mischief.
    Bettina continued down the predictable path of a victim of domestic violence: She got a temporary order of protection against Steve on June 2 and a permanent order two weeks later. As far as the police knew, the couple went their separate ways. But orders of protection are about as strong as the paper they’re written on.
    Bettina tried to stay away from him, but breaking up with a man like Steve Sherer was not easy. Even though he began to date Jami Hagel, he continued to harass and threaten Bettina. He was far from out of her life. On March 4, 1986, Steve hit her hard enough to knock her unconscious. Bettina didn’t call the police, deciding to bide her time in the hope that she could get away from Steve without angering him further. She’d called the police before, but they couldn’t be there every time Steve beat her. She was running scared.
    Steve had Jami now, Bettina figured, and perhaps he would let her go. Oddly, both women lived in the same apartment building; Steve had arranged that. Sometimes he was with Jami; sometimes he wanted to come