Fall from Love

bed. Every light in the house is on and I go around shutting off each one before making my way into the kitchen for a drink. My cell phone is lying on the counter and when I glance down at it to check the time; I see a missed text from Holly. Pressure clamps down on my chest and I strain my eyes open to read the text.
    Holly: Just wanted to say thanks again for the coffee today.
    Damn, it’s one in the morning. She sent the text almost three hours ago. I feel like an ass for not responding to her sooner. Even though I know she’s probably sleeping, I decide to send her a text back anyway.
    Me: You’re welcome. It was good to see you. Maybe we can do it again sometime.
    I click send and then analyze the message I sent her. Maybe we can do it again sometime? That may be the cheesiest fucking line I’ve ever written. It probably would’ve been smart to actually read it before I sent it. I set the phone down and grip the counter. My heart is beating fast and hard, I’m not sure if it’s rattled from the nightmare or maybe it’s just seeing the message from Holly. My phone beeps and I glance down at it, seeing her name flash across the screen.
    Holly: It was good to see u too. R u up late studying?
    Carter: Not really. Couldn’t sleep.
    Holly: Me either.
    I type in my response, but erase it, only to write it again. I repeat this stupidity about ten times before I actually have the guts to send it.
    Carter: Wanna talk?
    Holly: Sure.
    We’ve been on the phone for a few minutes. I’m sitting on the couch in the garage and freezing my balls off, but since Josh is back up in his room, I don’t want to take the chance to talk in my room and have him hear me. I feel like I’m back at home, hoping my mom doesn’t hear me sneaking around, talking to my high school girlfriend late at night.
    We talk mostly about school, movies, T.V. shows, music—stupid, mind numbing crap—but I’d talk to her about why the sky is blue or if she believes in aliens if it means I get to hear her voice. I know I’m playing a dangerous game. I know that it’s probably not healthy for me to be thinking this way about her, but I can’t help it. For some reason, hearing her voice and seeing her face is the only thing that seems to pull me out of the darkness.
    After about an hour, I can’t stand the cold garage anymore and quietly walk back up the stairs to bury myself underneath the covers.
    “So have you told Jenna about skydiving yet?” I ask, shivering even more as my body hits the cold sheets. I’m surprised at how easy she is to talk to. We’ve been on the phone for about an hour and there hasn’t been a single moment of uncomfortable silence between us.
    “No, I was going to tonight, but I chickened out. She was studying earlier and that usually puts her in a grumpy mood.” She pauses for a minute and then laughs. “Come to think of it, she’s usually a grump in the mornings, too, so I may have just screwed myself anyway.” She laughs again and I close my eyes, trying to savor the sound. “So, what about you? Have you made any plans for this weekend, yet?”
    “No, not yet. Josh and I aren’t on call for the rescue team so we’ll probably just hang out around here.” I bite my lower lip and curse to myself. “Sorry, Holly. I didn’t mean to bring it up. It’s late and I’m not thinking straight.” I feel like a complete ass.
    “Don’t worry about it,” she says. “I’m fine. I don’t want people to feel like they have to act differently around me. Believe me; it makes me feel worse when people treat me different. It makes me feel like I’m walking around with a target on my back or something.”
    “Yeah.” I swallow the lump rising in my throat, understanding exactly what she means. “I get that.”
    There’s a long silence between us and, even though I want to find something to say, I can’t think of the words. My mind is still reeling from what I just said and I can’t help feeling like an idiot for bringing it up.
    “Well, I think I should get some sleep,” she says.
    “Yeah, me, too,” I lie, knowing there’s no way I’m going to sleep a fucking wink for the rest of the night.
    “ Goodnight, Carter.”
    “ Goodnight, Holly.”
     
    ❧
     
    “Dude, you look like shit,” Josh says, chewing a mouthful of food as I walk in the kitchen.
    “Yeah, I didn’t sleep well.” I pull a cup from the cabinet and pour myself some coffee.
    “Man, you were talking in your sleep again last