Fall from Love

song.”
    “Fine, deal.”
    Then her face falls and she suddenly looks ill. “Oh, my God. I’ve just agreed to jump out of an airplane.”
    “Yep.” I smile.
     
    ❧
     
    Later that day, I try to be the strong one and wear a brave face, but in reality, my insides are a mess. Jenna hasn’t said a word since we left the house and I wonder if she’s having the same thoughts as me—wondering why the hell we’re doing this.
    We pull up to the skydive facility and I see a small—very small—plane that’s parked out in front of a large warehouse. I stretch my eyes to the right and glance over at Jenna. She’s staring at the plane, too. I can’t tell, but I think she’s on the verge of a panic attack by the way her chest is raising up and down rapidly.
    “Hey,” I say, shoving the car in park and turning to face her, “you don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to.”
    She looks over at me and slowly a grin spreads across her lips. “Bullshit, if you think you’re getting off that easy. I’m not going to back out now and miss you singing at Sterling’s again.” She shakes her head, looking back towards the plane. “Nope, we’re going to do this together. It’s something I’ve always thought was stupid, crazy and reckless, but you know what? We’re twenty-one-years-old. How many more years do we have to be stupid, crazy and reckless?”
    She’s right. I know that; however, it doesn’t help calm my nerves.
    “Come on, let’s do this before my courage totally evaporates,” she says, getting out of the car.
    After signing over our lives on a few pieces of paper, watching a short video, and getting dressed in the appropriate gear, we’re ready to go. Since it’s our first time, we will be going tandem with an instructor and I’m thankful for that. I don’t know if I would have the courage to propel myself out of a plane.
    As we walk to the plane, the instructors are going over a few things with Jenna and I, like how we will be clipped together, how to position our bodies when it’s our time to jump, and to remember to breathe when we are spiraling back to earth. I’m not sure how this situation got so flipped around, but I think I’m freaking out more than Jenna right now. Her fear and worry has been replaced with something else… excitement. She looks almost giddy as we climb into the plane and take our seats in front of our instructors. She glances over to me as the plane leaves the ground and smiles.
    “This is it,” she screams over the loud engine. “The only way our feet will touch earth again is if we jump from fifteen thousand feet, free fall for sixty seconds, and parachute the rest of the way down, before making a crazy landing back on the ground.”
    She is enjoying this way too much. She’s supposed to be freaking out and I’m the one who’s supposed to be excited and encouraging her. I try my best to smile because, deep down, I think she’s having fun with this.
    We’ve only been in the air for a few minutes when I glance out the window to see that we are already really high up. My instructor taps me on the shoulder and shows me with a watch on his wrist that we’re at seventy-five hundred feet. Oh, God . My stomach twists as I realize we are going to jump from twice this height. We already look so high up!
    “Hey!” Jenna reaches over and grabs my arm.
    I turn to face her. “C’mon, loosen up a bit! We are about to skydive! You were right! This is living! We haven’t even jumped yet and I’m already feeling the high!”
    I exhale a long breath and take another one in. She’s right. This is it. This is what I want. I want to face my fear. I want to feel alive again. I want to try to convince myself that I can feel something other than sadness.
    Before I know it, my instructor is tapping me on my shoulder again, pointing to his altimeter, showing me that it’s go time... fifteen thousand feet. Jenna and her instructor are first. They begin to scoot down the bench and towards the open door. The wind noise is so loud, and all I can think about is what my instructor told me before I boarded the plane. Head back, keep legs straight, and remember to breathe.
    Jenna’s feet are dangling out of the plane and I can see her instructor whisper something in her ear. She glances back to me with a smile—a smile that is full of fear, anticipation, and excitement—if a smile can hold all those emotions at once. Her instructor leans back just slightly, his hands on