Fall from Love

“Nope, she stays with me,” Jenna says, giving me a wink and a smile. “Sorry, Becca, she’s my date tonight.” Jenna’s arm flies around my shoulder, almost in a protective embrace.
    “Oh, okay.” Becca looks at Jenna and then back to me. “I’ll catch up with you later, then.” She frowns and turns to walk away. I glance over to Jenna and give her an appreciative look, hoping she knows how much I love her right now.
    “You know, the next time I’m feeling a little down, I need to see if Becca will sell me some of that perky-pick-me-up juice she must drink. She’s always so... bubbly ,” Jenna says, smiling at me.
    I laugh... a real, honest laugh and it feels good. Really good.
    It’s not that I don’t like Becca or don’t want to talk to her. The two of us have been friends since freshman year, and we are both Journalism majors so we have a lot of the same classes. I just don’t think I can stand her bubbly personality right now or the possible question and answer session she may have had planned for me. Questions like: How am I holding up? What have I been doing to keep myself busy? Things I don’t want to talk about with anyone; not to my parents or even Jenna.
    “So, what’s it gonna be? Vodka and cranberry or dirty martini?” Jenna asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
    I grimace. “Uh, it’s been a while; I think I’ll just start with a beer.”
    “Whatever you say, date . Two beers coming right up.” Jenna smiles and walks towards the bar.
    The moment she leaves my side, I begin to feel anxious. I’m scared that someone will notice me standing alone, think that I’m actually lonely, and come talk to me.
    Not even a full minute passes before I hear a deep voice speak up from behind me. “I thought that was you.”
    I glance over my shoulder and see Joe standing there with a large smile on his face.
    “Hi, Joe.” I stretch my lips out, trying my best to give him a smile. It’s actually really good to see him. His sweet, kind eyes look tired and haggard, though. Normally, I would have asked him if everything is okay, but even with him, I’m not up for conversation. Joe is the owner of Sterling’s and is actually the one who first convinced me to sing up on stage.
    He was walking past our booth one night and had heard me singing along to a band up on stage. He stopped and told me that it should’ve been me up there singing that song. I smiled politely, but told him that it made me too nervous to have all of those people staring at me.
    “Don’t waste your life being scared; you never know when you’ll get another chance.” His words echo in my head as I stand there staring at him.
    “How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in here since—” he pauses for a moment and looks towards the ground. “It’s been a while.”
    “Yeah, it has,” I answer.
    “We gonna hear that beautiful voice of yours tonight?” He looks back up at me and I shake my head.
    “Not tonight, Joe.” And probably not ever again .
    “When you’re ready then.” He smiles and walks away, leaving a sick feeling in my stomach.
    I glance around, now desperate for a drink and my protective best friend to come back. When I finally spot her, I see her hanging all over some guy at the bar. She’s standing in the middle of his straddled legs and whispering in his ear. It doesn’t really surprise me that much. Jenna has always been really flirty, but I can’t help feeling the awkwardness and ache in my chest as I stare at them, so I turn away and look back towards the stage.
    It’s a couple hours into the night, Jenna looks like she’s having fun and that makes me happy more than anything else. She did so much for me this summer and I owe her so much. Actually, I owe her more than that... I owe her my life.
    I have to admit, in a small way, I’m actually enjoying myself, too. What I enjoy the most is watching the singers up on stage; a part of me envying them and another part of me wishing that I had the desire to sing again. Better yet, wishing I had the desire to do anything again.
    A tall guy with tattoos and a shaved head finishes up his rendition of “Wanted Dead or Alive” by Bon Jovi and the crowd goes wild. I feel my heart pick up speed from the energy in the room and, without even having to try, a large grin spreads across my face. He nods his head and takes a quick bow before exiting the stage. A Pearl Jam song blares over the speakers and I know that I have a few minutes before the next