Fall from Love

always be a part of me that would love and cherish him and that thought gave me some peace.
    Jenna comes home the following morning and I spend the entire day crying on her lap and begging for her forgiveness. All the things that I said to her the night before, I regretted them the moment they came out of my mouth. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized just how sorry I was and hoped that she would forgive me. She has been nothing but a great friend to me and I wouldn’t have survived without her. She did keep things from me, however, it wasn’t to be mean or to hurt me; she honestly thought she was protecting me.
    “Hey, we are in need of groceries in a bad way and I’m not sure I can stomach any more takeout. Do you feel like getting out and going grocery shopping with me?” Jenna asks, standing in the kitchen.
    I shrug. “Not really.”
    She comes to sit beside me on the couch. “Holly, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m worried about you. You’re starting to scare me.”
    I nod my head. “I know; I’m scared, too.” I am. The past few months I’ve tried really hard to dig myself out of the dark hole I’ve been in and, now, it feels like I’m slowly slipping back into it. I don’t want to go through that again. I don’t want to put Jenna through that again.
    “Do you need anything?” she asks.
    “No, I just need some more time. I’ll be fine, I promise.”
    “Okay, well, I’m going to go get us some food. I’ll get us the good stuff... you know, ice cream, cookies… ooh, maybe I’ll bake us a cake, a chocolate one with strawberry icing. How does that sound?”
    “Sounds good.” I laugh at how her whole face lights up.
    “Be back soon,” she says, grabbing her purse and heading out the door.
    While she’s gone, I try to get some laundry done. I’m determined not to let myself become that horrible, disgusting witch I was a few months ago.
    After folding a load of towels that were in the dryer, I walk in my bathroom to put them up and catch a glimpse of myself the mirror, shuddering at the reflection staring back at me.
    Blasting the hot water, I’m more determined than ever to erase the reflection in the mirror. Gripping the bottom of my shirt, I begin to pull it over my head when I hear my cell phone ringing in the living room. Hope shoots through me when I think it could be Carter calling. I would do anything to hear his voice right now, even though I’m not sure what I would say to him if I do? Deep down, I’m embarrassed at the way I acted the other night. It took a lot of courage for him to tell me the truth about that night and I threw it back in his face. Releasing my grip, I let my shirt fall back down and reach over to turn off the water.
    When I finally reach my phone, it stops ringingand Missed Call – Josh is displayed on the screen. Immediately, my throat feels thick and a wave of humiliation washes over me. Not wanting to give myself any reason to chicken out, I tap his name and press send.
    “Hey, Holly.”
    “Hi, Josh.”
    “How are you?” he asks.
    “I’m okay.”
    “Do you have a minute to talk?”
    “Uh sure, Jenna just ran out for some groceries,” I answer.
    “Yeah, I just got off the phone with her. I wanted to wait and talk to you when she wasn’t around. She doesn’t really want me talking to you right now.”
    Feeling a horrible pain in my chest, I take a deep breathe in. “What is it that you want to talk about?”
    “Well, I want to talk to you about that night… the night of the accident. Is that okay? I won’t talk about it if it’s gonna upset you.” He pauses. “You can tell me if you’re not ready.”
    I squeeze my eyes tight and bite my lower lip. “It’s okay,” I breathe into the phone.
    “Just tell me to stop if it gets to be too much, okay?”
    “Okay,” I say, gulping loudly.
    “I’m not sure what Carter told you the other night, but I know he feels this guilt for what happened and I want you to know that it wasn’t like that. I wasn’t up there that night, but Paul was and he told me everything. Carter’s the best rescue guy we have and he did everything he could. When the storm rolled in, they were in a hurry to get down as fast as possible, but when the rain started and the wind picked up, they somehow lost their footing along the ridge and were both knocked off. Carter slid for a hundred feet or so, but he was able to get control and stop himself. When Carter finally saw Adam, he realized that he