Fall With Me

everyone should have someone. Someone to come home to.”
    “There’s plenty of time for me to meet someone,” I say. “Sean and I . . . we gave it a good go. But I don’t think he’s the right guy for me. Don’t you think it’s more important that I wait and find the right guy?”
    “Yes. But sometimes I wonder if you’ve set your standards too high.”
    “Is there such a thing?”
    “There is, Jilly. You know that. You can be hard on people sometimes. And am I saying that I just want you to be with any old person? No, of course not. But I remember how happy you and Sean used to be together. It reminded me of the way things were between your father and I.”
    I do my best not to groan. “Mom, my relationship with Sean was nothing like what you and Dad had. I’m kind of too busy for that now, anyway. Once camp is over I’ve got to get back to school and actually graduate. And eventually, maybe, I’ll meet someone.”
    “I know you will. And you’re right—there’s no rush. I’ve just been missing Dad. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since we last saw him, isn’t it?”
              I nod.
    “I keep thinking about that last weekend we spent together. It’s really like my last clear memory I have from before the accident. When he took me on the helicopter ride in Napa?” She laughs. “I’d always wanted to do one of those helicopter tours, and I never thought it would happen because your father was so afraid of heights.”
    I laugh too, thinking about the way Dad used to psych himself up before ascending the ladder to clean the gutters out every fall, before he finally hired our next-door neighbor’s son to do it.
    “But your father knew how much I wanted to go, and even though he kept his eyes squeezed shut half the time, by the end, I think he had a pretty good time. I know I did.” Her smile fades a little. “It really was beautiful. I’d love to relive that day, over and over again.”
    I swallow. “I wish you could, Mom.”
     
    He’s just as handsome as I remember him, slightly more filled out. He’s tanned, and he looks genuinely happy to see me, so when he asks if I will just give him five minutes and hear him out, I agree.
    “God,” he says. “Look at you.” He glances over his shoulder toward the kitchen, where Sharon is still sitting at the table. “Could we talk somewhere a little more . . . private?”
    “Like where?”
    “Your bedroom?”
    “Is that really necessary?”
    He pauses as though actually giving consideration to the question. “No, but I would appreciate it if we could talk privately for a few minutes.”
    If he had said yes, it was necessary, I probably would’ve walked out the door right then, but I relent and we walk upstairs.
    We stand there for a moment, not saying anything.
    “So what did you have to tell me that you couldn’t say down there?”
    He’s wearing a Ralph Lauren polo with wide stripes and khaki shorts. It’s odd to stand here and look at him and know exactly what his body looks like under those clothes, and to know that he knows exactly what my body looks like under my clothes.
    “Let me take you out to dinner.” He smiles, and the smile lines around his mouth are deeper than I remember.
    “I can’t, Sean. I’m heading back soon. I can’t be out too late. I appreciate you stopping by, though, and the flower, of course.”
    “I know orchids are your favorite.”
    Actually, they’re not, but I don’t saying anything.
    “It’s more than nice to see you. Come on, let me take you out. It’s your birthday. It’s still early. There’s plenty of time.”
    “Sean, I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m not at the point in my life right now where I want to be involved with anyone.”
    “Jill,” he says. “I have thought about you every day since we’ve been apart.”
    “We’ve been broken up almost a year. There is no way I believe you’ve thought about me every day for almost a year.”
    “Well, I have. I don’t see why you wouldn’t believe something like that. I’ve missed you. And I know you’ve missed me, too.” He brushes my hair back from my face. He leans closer. “I want you, Jill. I want us to get back together. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I understand why you thought you needed to break up with me; you’ve been through a lot. It’s been a hard year for you. But us not being together has only shown me that