Fall With Me

California is a big state . . .”
    “It’s okay. It’s pathetic. So it’s hard for me to imagine what it’s like to be so well-traveled. Never mind Greece or Thailand, I’d just love to visit the other side of this country.”
    “The East Coast?” He shrugs. “You’re not missing much. But I’ll probably be heading back there at some point, to see my mom. She gets a little frantic if I don’t come spend a weekend with her at the house in the Hamptons every August. Maybe you should come with.”
    “Well, I don’t know about that . . .” I say. “Maybe.” I wonder that if I went back to New York with him, if there’d be the chance to find something out. Something that might make a difference. What are the chances? “Maybe a little trip wouldn’t be so bad.”
    “I’m really not a bad guy, you know.”
    I think of Sean, the feel of his crushing weight, his certainty that he’s always right, no matter what. “I know,” I tell Griffin.
     
    I let him walk me back to my cabin, long after the sun has set. He doesn’t try to kiss me, but instead gives me a hug and whispers, “Happy birthday.” He smiles and touches his index finger to the tip of my nose, then heads toward his own cabin.
    Only after he’s disappeared from view do I realize that I really wouldn’t have minded if he had tried to kiss me.
     

Chapter 19: Griffin
     
    It’s true; I almost kissed Jill on her birthday. But I didn’t, for some reason, which is strange, because it means I was exercising restraint, which is not generally a quality I would associate with myself. Some of the campers and I are helping Bill hack up one of the live oak trees that isn’t so alive anymore, and I try to pinpoint exactly why I didn’t kiss her. I certainly wanted to. And I don’t think it’d be overreaching on my part to say that she probably would’ve been open to it, since she’s had that change of heart.
    But then she started asking about my dad, which for me is about the biggest boner killer in existence. And I’d been feeling pretty good about having this second chance at my life, at maybe doing something right, but when the topic of dear old Dad came up, it got me wondering whether or not this “new life” I was going to try to forge for myself was actual just a pathetic delusion of grandeur. A favorite phrase of Dad’s, actually. I mean, maybe I was no different than he was. Hadn’t I spent the last seven or eight years traveling around, basically doing whatever the fuck I wanted? I don’t care about money as much as Dad, but maybe that’s just because it’s always been there. It’s never been something I’ve had to be concerned about or worry about where it was going to come from.
    I turn the saw off and walk over to Bill, who’s showing some of the campers how to properly buck a log. It’s so easy to see he’s completely in his element; in fact, Bill is one of those guys who seems like he’s always in his element, regardless of where he is. Unlike, say, my dad, who can only feel that way if he’s surrounded by all the luxury he’s become accustomed to, and about half a dozen ass-kissers, to assure him he really is top dog.
    But it’s Bill I want to be like, I realize, as I stand there. Bill, in his worn-out jeans, faded Sea Horse Ranch shirt, and black Stetson. He just seems so content in his element. He sees me looking at him and gives me a smile, then lets the kids go at the log themselves. He walks over.
    “Griffin,” he says. “How’s it going?”
    “Good,” I say.
    “You’re pretty good with that thing.” He nods at the saw.
    “Thanks. I’ve had some practice.” I glance over at the campers, wrangling with the log. “Hey, Bill, could I ask you something?”
    “Of course.”
    “Did you always know you wanted to do this?”
    “The ranch? I suppose I did. My great-grandfather built the place, and I just never had the desire to leave. You know how some people get bit by the traveling bug and just can’t seem to stay in one place for long?”
    I smile. “Sounds familiar.”
    “Oh, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but I just always felt like this place where I grew up was the place that I was meant to be. Some people think that sort of thing sounds awfully boring, or like I missed out on a lot in life, but really, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.” His gaze too, goes over to the campers. “I mean, look at them. They’re all having a great time out here—they