Faster We Burn

after Lottie handed him the phone. I heard him walking and then a door closed.
    “You’re not supposed to ask me that,” I said.
    “Katie.”
    “You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?” I curled my feet up under the blanket.
    “I didn’t want to be right like this. I never wanted this to happen to you. If he wasn’t in jail I would have killed him myself. Or at least maimed him so he would have to crawl through the rest of his life. I still could. I’ve beat the shit out of more than one asshole in my life, although I think Zack deserves his own category.”
    “You don’t have to do that.”
    “Do what?”
    “Be all mad at him for me. Be mad at me for being an idiot.”
    He sighed heavily. “I’m not mad at you, Katie.”
    I heard Mom’s voice coming back from the kitchen. Probably bringing me a plate of cookies or something.
    “Look, I have to go, but I’m coming back on Monday. Bye,” I whispered before I shoved my phone under the blanket.
    “Who were you talking to?” Yes, it was a plate of cookies, but store bought. She hadn’t had time to make her traditional crisis oatmeal cookies. She held the plate out to me, but I shook my head.
    “Lottie. She wanted to know when I was coming back.”
    Mom pursed her lips and sat down on the edge of the couch.
    “Maybe you shouldn’t go back for a while.”
    “Gina,” Dad snapped from the kitchen. “Let her be.”
    Mom glared at him. “Don’t tell me what to do, Glenn.” Didn’t that sound familiar?
    I put my hand on my head. Where the hell was that pain medication? “Please, can you just leave me alone? I’m tired.”
    Mom started to protest, but when I closed my eyes, she sighed and got up.
    “Let me know if you need anything, okay baby?” she said, kissing the un-scratched part of my forehead.
    “I will. Thanks, Mom.” I watched as she went back into the kitchen and I scrunched back down on the couch.
    “It’s okay,” I heard Dad say.
    She sighed. “I know, I’m just so worried.”
    “I know, Gina, but she’s strong. Like you.” I could hear him smiling and I could imagine her smiling back. A second later I heard him humming and the shuffling of feet as they danced in the kitchen and mom laughed softly.
     
    ***
     
    By Sunday night I was so ready to get back to school I almost stole my mother’s car to drive back myself. She worked the night shift managing the bakery at a grocery store, so Dad drove me back early Monday morning before he had to work.
    “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
    “Yeah, Dad. I’ll be fine.” I barely put any effort into saying it.
    “You know you can talk to me about anything, right Katiebug?” I cringed at the nickname.
    “Yeah, Dad. I know.” Been there, said that. All he and Mom had done was talk at me. Not to me. They’d lectured me, even though they said they weren’t going to do that. They were parents and they had to do their thing. The problem was that everything they said I’d said to myself at least a hundred times. They also got me appointments with a therapist back at school and there was no way I was getting out of that because they were going to call and check after every session.
    Mom also couldn’t hide that she was devastated about Zack. He’d charmed her, and that was going to be a hard habit to break. She wouldn’t shut up about how every time he brought me flowers before a date, or chocolates, he’d bring her a little something. She thought it was sweet. I saw it for what it was. Buttering her up so she wouldn’t mind when he brought me home late, or decided to spend the night. At the time I hadn’t cared.
    Dad gave me a huge hug when he dropped me off, being careful not to hold me too tight. He had to bend down pretty far.
    “Call me tonight, Katiebug. I love you.”
    “Love you too, Dad.”
    I glanced up at the dorm and realized I didn’t want to go in. Just moments ago, I’d been so eager to get back, but now that I was here, I wanted to be anywhere else.
    A few people walked by me on their way to and from breakfast or class. Some of them were laughing, and all of them looked so free. Careless and young.
    I felt old and bitter. God, what had happened to me? Just a few months ago, all I’d been thinking about was how great college would be, how much fun I’d have and how many parties I’d go to. Now it all seemed…pointless. A few of them glanced at my face, which was still splotched with bruises that I hadn’t bothered to use