Faster We Burn

today, yes, I could use some real food,” he said.
    “Ice cream is real food,” Lottie said. “Did you eat all of it?” She ran to the mini-fridge and pulled open the now-empty freezer.
    “Uh, yeah,” he said.
    “Sorry.”
    “No, it’s fine,” she said, closing the door. “We can always get more.”
     
    ***
     
    I called Kayla before our dinner to check in on mom. I still couldn’t believe that I’d let everything with Stryker happen, but he was right. I couldn’t let dad dying ruin the rest of my life.
    “She had some soup, so that’s something, I guess,” she said.
    “Can I talk to her?”
    “She’s not really in a talking mood.” She held the phone out and I could hear Mom sobbing. Kayla must have been standing outside her bedroom door.
    “Oh.”
    I wanted so much to tell her about Stryker and that he said he loved me and that we were together, but it seemed disgustingly selfish to bring it up.
    “Heard from Adam?”
    “Yeah, he finally got the chance to send an email. He’s glad to be back, and he feels like shit for leaving me, but it is what it is.”
    We talked about a few more things and I almost mentioned Stryker, but Kayla did it for me.
    “How’s everything back there?” she said. I heard water running, and splashing so I assumed she was doing the dishes.
    “Good.”
    “Everyone glad you’re back?”
    “Are you asking about my friends or about Stryker?”
    “The second.”
    “He’s…he’s good. We’re good.”
    The splashing stopped. “What is this ‘we’ you speak of?”
    “Yeah, there’s a ‘we’ now.”
    “Are you serious?”
    “Uh, yeah.”
    “When did that happen?”
    “Last night.” I still hadn’t gotten around to fixing up the bed again.
    “Katie, you didn’t.” Here came the lecture. “Do you really think this is the right time?”
    “When is it the right time? I didn’t plan on it. He said he loved me and I said it too and now we’re together. You were all for this not that long ago.”
    “I know I was…it’s just that things are different now.”
    “Because of Dad?”
    “I just don’t think this is the right time to jump into something. I’m trying to look out for you because I love you. You’ve been through a lot and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
    “I’m fine, Kayla.”
    “I don’t want to fight with you, especially not about this. Just…be careful and I love you.”
    “I know, love you too.”
    I hung up and went back into my room. Stryker and Lottie were debating about who they thought was the killer from an old Law and Order we’d been watching. It was definitely the husband’s lawyer, but I kept my mouth shut.
    “She ream you out too?” Stryker said, leaning on his elbow.
    “Sort of. It was more gentle than a reaming. More like a few words of caution.”
    “I wish my sister knew anything about the word gentle,” he said as I sat next to him on my bed and he put his arm around me.
    “Is she that upset about us being together?”
    His eyes flicked back to the TV. “No, not really.”
    “Then what is she so upset about?”
    Lottie looked away from the show and at Stryker too.
    “I told you, she’s pissed that I didn’t tell her before I told you.”
    “But she’s happy, right?”
    “More like bitter that she’s still alone.”
    “Why is it different than when we were together but not really together?” For a guy who was pretty smooth normally, he was having a hard time coming up with a story.
    “It’s just different.” He rolled over so he couldn’t look at me.
    “Yeah, sure.”
    As soon as I could, I was going to text Trish and get to the bottom of this. Consuming myself with Stryker’s secret was much better than thinking about Dad or his ashes or the fact that I still had all of Zack’s gifts under my bed. Stryker kept kicking them whenever he could, but he didn’t know what they were. I’d made some vague excuse.
    Zack.
    I’d thought about him a few times today, but only in contrast to Stryker. When Zack told me he loved me, it was only because he thought he should, like it was an obligation. When I said it to him the first time, I’d been drunk, and I couldn’t really take it back. He always followed it with “babe.” “I love you, babe,” he’d say. I hadn’t realized how much I absolutely hated him calling me that until after everything had happened.
    He still sent me a text here and there, but they were fewer and farther between. Maybe he was finally getting some