Fated
her.”
I pretend not to hear. I don’t want to start this again. But despite the gaunt cheeks and deep purple half-moons that swoop under her eyes—the result of too many nights of missed sleep—Jennika’s clearly lost none of her steam.
She hands me a mug of freshly brewed coffee, and I’m quick to receive it. Enjoying its rich piñon scent, when she says, “I’m serious, Daire. I know you think you can talk me out of it. I know exactly what you’re up to. But as soon as Paloma’s better, and I mean the very second we get word, you and I are out of here. Which means you’ll have to say good-bye to your horse, this house, the boy, and everything else. This was always meant to be temporary—I thought you knew that.”
I sip my coffee, stare at the sky, and refuse to engage.
“I mean, I don’t get it. Just what is it you see in this place? What’s the attraction? Is there something I’m missing? Because from what I’ve seen, it’s a socially backward trash heap.”
I turn to face her, taking in her pale face, the bulky sweater too big for her frame. Hanging on her shoulders in such a haphazard way, it leaves her looking as tiny and vulnerable as I currently feel. “It may be a dump,” I say, holding tight to my mug as I turn away from her and survey the yard. Unable to see anything but the love, care, and devotion Paloma supplied to make it this way—a private oasis tucked away in the desert—though it’s all lost on Jennika. All she sees is a horse, an abundance of plants, a strange border of salt inside a strange coyote fence inside a thick, adobe wall. The magick is lost on her. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try to make her see why it might be important to me. “It’s not like I can deny it. But it’s also the first place I’ve ever felt like I just might belong. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like I had a real and stable home.”
She starts to speak, probably wanting to defend herself and all the choices she’s made over the last sixteen years, but there’s time for that later. I need her to hear me while the words are still with me.
“And I know you’ve spent a lifetime trying to protect me from the staggering pain of grief that comes from losing the things and the people and the places you allowed yourself to care about—but guess what, Jennika—that’s no way to live. As much as it hurts to lose something you love, there’s a much greater joy in getting to experience it for as long as it lasts.” I suck in my breath, my eyes meeting hers. It’s the opposite of what I thought I believed, but now I realize it’s true. “And I know you meant well. I know you were only trying to spare me from the feelings that overwhelmed you. And who knows, maybe you did spare me a load of regrets and hurt feelings? What I do know is that I like being part of something. I like being a member of a family, a community, heck, even a school. I don’t care if it’s small time—I don’t care if it lacks excitement and glamour—this is the place where my abuela lives. A woman who’s given me a home—a purpose. And for the first time in my life, I—”
“A purpose ?” Jennika squints, as she cocks her head and steps closer. “And just what exactly might that be? You planning to take over her garden? Apprentice as an herbal healer? I had much higher hopes for you, Daire.”
The way her gaze meets mine—outraged and incredulous—well, I know I’ve gone too far. I never should’ve said it, should’ve stopped while I was barely ahead.
“Forget it,” I say. “Just forget the whole thing.” I give Kachina one final pat and make my way back toward the house. Carefully avoiding Jennika’s gaze when I add, “You should probably just take me to school. The first bell’s at eight.”
forty-one
The second I walk past that big iron gate, I start searching for Cade. Though it’s not until lunch when I run into Xotichl in the hallway that I learn why I’ve been unable to find him.
“So, you taking part in Día de los Muertos ?” she asks, employing her uncanny ability to know it’s me before I’ve even had a chance to announce myself.
“Don’t tell me I’m still giving off that new-girl energy?” I say, watching as she slams her locker shut and taps her cane on the ground, nailing the space between my boots and hers.
“Now it’s more like nervous, paranoid energy—what gives?”
My eyes scan the hall, knowing I should mention what happened to Paloma but
Weitere Kostenlose Bücher