Fear: A Gone Novel

doll was black and white.
    No , Diana begged.
    The doll had a pouting, dissatisfied mouth. A small red mouth.
    No , Diana begged again, and she was afraid.
    The baby seemed to hear her voice and it held the doll out to her. Like it wanted her to take it. But Diana couldn’t take it, because her arms were like lead and so terribly heavy.
    Noooo , she moaned. I don’t want to see it .
    But the baby wanted her to look; it insisted she look, and she couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t look away, could not move or turn or run, and oh, God, she wanted to run.
    What is it, Mommy? The voice had no character, just words, not a voice, not a sound, like someone was typing them onto a keyboard so that she could kind of hear but also see the words in letters, bam, bam, bam , each letter thudding in her brain.
    What is it, Mommy?
    The baby held the black-and-white plush toy in her face and asked again, What is it, Mommy?
    She had to answer. No choice now. She had to answer.
    Panda , she said, and with that word the full deluge of sadness and self-loathing burst in her mind.
    Panda , the baby said, and smiled without teeth, smiled with the panda’s own red mouth.
    Diana woke. Opened her eyes.
    Tears blurred her vision. She rolled out of the bed. The trailer was tiny, but she kept it clean and neat. She was lucky: the only person other than Sam at the lake to have a place without a roommate.
    Panda.
    The baby knew. It knew she had eaten part of a boy with the nickname Panda. Her soul was bare to the baby. It could see inside her.
    Oh, God, how was she going to be a mother carrying that terrible crime in her soul?
    She deserved hell. And she had the terrible suspicion that the baby inside her was the demon sent to conduct her there.
    “I don’t like the idea of leaving those missiles just lying there,” Sam said.
    Edilio said nothing. He just shifted uneasily and glanced back at the dock to make sure no one was standing around listening for gossip.
    Sam, Edilio, Dekka, and Mohamed Kadeer were on the top deck of the houseboat everyone called the White Houseboat. It wasn’t white, exactly, more of a dirty pink, actually. And it looked nothing like the real White House. But it was where the leaders met, up on the open top deck. So White Houseboat it was.
    It was also Sam’s home, a home he shared with Dekka, Sinder, Jezzie, and Mohamed.
    Mohamed was a nonvoting member of the Lake Tramonto Council. But more important, he was Albert’s liaison at Lake Tramonto.
    Some said “liaison.” Some said “spy.” There wasn’t much difference. Sam had decided early on not to try to keep secrets from Albert. Albert had to know what was going on. In any case he would find out: Albert was the FAYZ’s closest thing to a billionaire, although his wealth was measured in the FAYZ currency called ’Bertos, McDonald’s game pieces, food, and jobs.
    On the White Houseboat there were two cabins aft, each with a single bunk above a double bed. Sinder and Jezzie shared one of those cabins; Mohamed and Dekka shared the other. Sam had the relatively roomy bow cabin to himself.
    “If Caine’s people find out…,” Dekka said.
    “Then we may have a problem,” Sam said, nodding. “But we won’t ever use the things. We’ll just be making sure Caine doesn’t use them, either.”
    “Yeah, and Caine will buy that explanation because he’s so trusting,” Dekka said mordantly.
    The missiles had been part of a desperate ploy to get from the Evanston Air National Guard base to the coast. Dekka had been able to use the crate as a platform that, cut off from gravity by Dekka’s power, would scrape along the barrier.
    The plan was decidedly imperfect. It had almost worked. Kind of worked. Worked just well enough. But it had also moved the weapons into a place where they might be found.
    Found and used.
    The fifth person on the deck was not a part of the council. He was a boy called Toto. Toto had been found in a desert facility—or part of a facility with the rest beyond the barrier—that had kept him imprisoned in order to study the mutations occurring in the Perdido Beach area.
    The facility had been set up before the coming of the FAYZ. The government had known of, or at least suspected, the very odd things beginning to occur in the months before the barrier.
    Toto was probably close to being clinically insane. He’d been alone—all alone—for seven months. He still had a tendency to talk to Spider-Man. No longer his old Styrofoam