Fed up

way—desperate to get it over!—I stared at the opening of the tent, through which Eileen and Kitty should now be entering with their escorts. My hands were shaking so hard that the papers I was clutching rattled loudly.
    Instead of escorting in Eileen and Kitty, Willie and Evan abruptly stepped into the tent by themselves. Staring at them in horror, I nearly dropped my papers. Those two idiots had actually brought shotguns! Monsters! They were doing what they'd threatened, supposedly in jest. No! Absolutely, positively not! In an emotional turnabout, I suddenly felt entitled to the central role I was playing today. I was, after all, the minister-priest-rabbi-justice-of-the-peace figure here. It was I who possessed a Certificate of Solemnization issued by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Therefore, I, Chloe Carter, was in charge!
    In my most swift yet dignified manner, I marched to the tent entrance, faced the miscreants, and backed them out of the tent. “No way!” I growled at Evan and Willie. “If you do not get rid of those guns this second, I’ll shoot you myself!”
     

 
    MY muted voice must have rung with the authority of the governor, the secretary of state, the attorney general, the head of the state police, and every other Power—with a capital P —in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, because the brothers immediately obeyed me. Pointing at the potted plants, I whispered, “In there!” Mercifully, there was enough foliage to conceal the weapons. Lurking a couple of yards behind Willie and Evan were Eileen and Kitty, who had clearly been enablers, if not actual coconspirators. With a little smirk on her face, Eileen said, “Now, Chloe, the boys were only—”
    “It is no joke,” I whispered. With that, I pivoted around and tried to stroll casually back to my spot before the guests. I smiled and then nodded to Evan and Willie, who, deprived of their shotguns, escorted Eileen and Kitty to their seats and then took their own. My mother was the next to make her way down the aisle. By comparison with Eileen and Kitty, she seemed like an angel, and as Nelson recorded her progress, I was pleased that he was managing to point the camera at someone other than me.
    My father and Adrianna appeared at the entrance, he with the ludicrous purple top hat balanced on his head, she the ultimate beautiful bride. Glancing at Owen, I saw that he was frozen in awe. I’d been dreading the moment when Adrianna caught sight of Josh’s outfit, but I’d underestimated her: she took one look at him, a vision in purple, and giggled the entire way down the aisle. My father’s coordinating hat must have prepared her for subsequent silliness. Dad led her to our little group and sat down.
    Adrianna and Owen turned to face me. I locked eyes with my best friend. She tipped her head toward Josh, then toward my father, then down at her slightly battered bouquet, and rolled her eyes. We grinned at each other, and I relaxed.
    “I want to welcome you all. We are gathered here to celebrate one of life’s great moments and to add our loving wishes to the words that will unite Owen and Adrianna in marriage.” My hands did not shake, and neither did my voice. By the time my mother and Owen’s father read poems, I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
    Then I began the exchange of vows. “Owen, repeat after me. I, Owen, take you, Adrianna, to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner in life, and my one true love.”
    When Adrianna slipped the simple silver ring on Owen’s finger, I got choked up and had to pause before the pronouncement. Adrianna and Owen held hands tightly and waited for me.
    “By the authority vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, witnessed by your friends and family, I have the pleasure to pronounce you husband and wife. You may now seal your vows with a kiss.”
    And did they ever. Their kiss went on for so long that the guests had to begin a second round of applause. The newly married couple finally parted lips and made their way back down the aisle.
    Because this was a small and informal wedding, Adri-anna and Owen had decided to forgo the traditional receiving line. They didn’t vanish for professional photographs, of course. Rather, a lot of guests surrounded the couple and snapped pictures outside the tent. Josh wrapped me in his arms, whispered, “Great job, babe,” and then ran off to the kitchen to help Digger and Emilio’s cousins with the food. I had my picture taken