Find You in the Dark

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    “Clay, it's time for dinner. Hurry up with Marcia so you can eat.” Mrs. Reed flashed me a cold smile and went back down the hallway. Clay glared at me. “You just couldn't leave well enough alone. Are you happy now?” He seethed. “Fuck you, Clay! I've done nothing but love you! But you really are a selfish prick. Screw my feelings, right? It's the Clayton Reed, self-destruct show. And you're right. We are done. I don't need any more of your abuse!” I turned on my heel and left, feeling like my heart had just been ripped out of my chest.
    The anger got me home but then it transformed into gut wrenching depression. Clay and I were over and I had no real idea why. The reality of what had happened sank in and I had cried myself to sleep.
    After that I became a shell of the person I used to be. I barely ate. I hardly slept. I never talked to my friends. I declined Rachel and Daniel's invitations to get together once my grounding was lifted. I half listened to their conversations at lunch time. I stopped waiting for them after school, instead choosing to get to my car as fast as possible so I could get home and lock myself in my room.
    “You are going to tell me what is going on with you and you are doing it now!” Rachel said angrily as she grabbed my arm as I tried to slink down the hallway, unnoticed, to my locker. It had been five days since I had gone to Clay's house. Five days since I had spoken to or seen him. I didn't even know if he had shown up to school. And I felt like living was becoming increasingly more difficult. How could someone endure this much pain and survive?
    “Nothing's going on.” I mumbled, trying to pull out of her grasp. “Yeah right! You've become the walking dead! So unless your brains have been eaten by zombies, something sure as hell is going on and you're going to spill it!” Daniel said from my other side. The two of them took me by my arms and half dragged me to the library.
    I heard the bell ring, signaling the end of lunch. I had eaten in the girl's bathroom, wanting to avoid this very conversation. I should have known they would find me. I couldn't even appreciate how much they cared about me. Because right then I was unable to think beyond the gaping hole in my chest.
    “We've got to get to class. We'll be late.” I argued feebly. Daniel drug me into the library, moving to the back of the stacks where we'd have some privacy. “Screw class. Our best friend is in full on melt down. That trumps geography any day.” Rachel replied, sitting me down in a chair and taking her place beside me.
    Daniel sat across the table and looked at me. “We know this has to do with Clay. He's MIA all the time now and you look like someone ran over your cat. Just tell me if I have to kick his ass. I've been wanting to for awhile anyway.” I closed my eyes and struggled to hold it all in.
    “We broke up.” I admitted, putting my head down on the table. “Aww, sweetheart. Why didn't you tell us?” Rachel asked soothingly, rubbing my back as I started to shake. I couldn't answer her, so they just let me try and get myself together. I couldn't cry, having no tears left. I sat there trying to breathe around the pain in my chest. Finally I calmed down. Sitting up, I took the tissue Rachel offered and blew my nose. “What happened?” Rachel asked, still rubbing my back in gentle circles.
    “He changed. We changed. He didn't want me in his business. There's not much else to say about it.” I answered cagily. I didn't want to get into the root of our relationship's problems. There were too many to list. “You're better off, Mags. Trust me. You don't need that shit.” Daniel said as he reached over to squeeze my hand. I pulled away. “You don't understand! I'm not better off! I miss him!”
    Rachel and Daniel were quiet a moment as I started to cry. So much for not having anymore tears. When would I be done with this crap? After a few minutes of enduring my misery, Rachel wiped my cheeks and snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Wake up, Maggie! He makes you miserable! Do not wallow over someone who you're better off without. Have more self resect than that!” She said sternly.
    Daniel nodded in agreement. “This is not the Maggie Young we know and love. I'm not sure who this whiny, pathetic chick is, but I kind of hate her.” Daniel quipped, raising his eyebrows at me. I sniffled and blew my nose again. “I know you're right. But it's hard to ignore my feelings like