Find You in the Dark

him. “Please don't be angry with me. I can't stand that. I need you way too much to have this between us.” His words were desperate and I was shocked at what he had just said.
    He needed me? Since when? And, while my heart thrilled, something inside me hesitated, unsure how to respond. His fingers slipped into my hair and he started to pull me toward him. More specifically my mouth toward his. Before our lips touched I stopped him. I put my hands over his to still the movement. “What is this, Clay? What are you doing?” I murmured, the skin of our lips brushing against each other.
    Clay gazed into my eyes and a pool of warmth flooded my belly. Why was I talking? Why didn't I just let him kiss me? How long have I wanted this and I was making him stop? Was I freaking nuts?
    But it just didn't feel right to have him do this when he was drunk. I wanted him in his right frame of mind when he kissed me. I didn't want it to be some sloppy event outside of Melissa James's garage. Clay backed up. “I thought you wanted this. You've been sending out signals like crazy.” Clay seemed angry. Embarrassed even. I had taken his guy card...again.
    I touched his face, but he pulled away from me. Dear lord, his moods were all over the place right now. “I do want to kiss you. Just not like this. I mean you're kind of wasted right now. This isn't exactly romantic.” I laughed nervously. Clay shook his head. “Who said I'm looking for romance? Can't we just hook up and it not be all serious?” Woah. Okay, that hurt. Glad to know that our kiss wouldn't mean quite the same thing to him as it would to me. Though he had just told me he needed me. He had seemed absolutely wretched when he thought I was angry with him. He was so hot and cold, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.
    “Alright then. This is clearly not going to happen, so I'm going to go find Daniel and Rachel.” I stood up. Clay got to his feet behind me. His face was unreadable but it was obvious from his body language that he was not happy. “You go on. I'm just going to hang out. You know....socialize and all.” He said nastily and turned around and went back into the garage.
    My stomach dropped and I blinked back tears. You have got to be kidding me. I had hoped tonight would be fun. But between Rachel's dramatics and Clay's drunken craziness, this night was quickly turning into a disaster.
    I found Rachel and Daniel, who were swinging on the play set in Melissa's backyard. Rachel seemed to have sobered up and was actually smiling; which was a relief. “Hey guys.” I called out as I reached them. They both looked up at me and smiled. “Hey. Where's Clay?” Danny asked, kicking his legs out in front of him to get the swing moving.
    “Yeah...well he's being a royal butt. I don't really feel like subjecting myself to that, if you know what I mean?” I perched on the seesaw and pushed with my legs to make it bobble up and down. Rachel blew the hair out of her face and slowed her swing down until she was swaying gently back and forth. She looked over at me sheepishly.
    “I'm sorry about the amateur dramatics earlier. I think it's official that I can't exactly handle my alcohol.” I gave her a look that said I agreed with her statement. “Yeah, I guess we've learned that lesson. Next time you're the DD.” Rachel laughed. “Deal.” She agreed.
    “I had no idea that Clay had a problem with drinking, or I wouldn't have encouraged him to do the keg stand. But he never mentioned anything.” Rachel said guiltily.
    I pushed with my legs again and slammed back down on the seesaw. “It's not like you held a gun to his head, Rach. Clay is a big boy. He doesn't need us mothering him.” I parroted his words, feeling hollow inside. I hated arguing with Clay. It felt crappy.
    Daniel hopped off the swing and wiped grass from his pants. “Enough moping, you two. Let's go get our party on.” Daniel pulled Rachel off the swing and grabbed my hand. We chuckled and followed him around to the back of the house, toward the pool. It was nice having Daniel and Rachel being so normal with each other. Rachel looked at ease and none of their now customary awkwardness seemed to be present between the two of them.
    The pool was obviously heated as I watched steam drift upward from the surface of the water. People were swimming. Some without any suits. I looked away as Julianna Martin from my Spanish class climbed up the ladder in all her natural glory. Daniel's eyes