Find You in the Dark

me to stop?” My hand drifted lower and I used my other hand to tug the zipper down.
    Clay moaned deep in his throat, his head falling back as I found what I was looking for. My fingers touched him tentatively and he jerked against me. I couldn't help but smile at my victory. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled it out of his pants. “You are an evil, evil woman, Maggie Young. Trying to tempt me like that.” He said lightly as he gently lifted me off his lap and buttoned up his jeans.
    I rolled over on my bed and grabbed a pillow, tossing it at him. “You suck.” I joked. Clay caught the pillow and threw it back at me. “No, I just don't want to be that guy.” He explained. I frowned in confusion. “What guy?” I asked.
    Clay sighed and sat up. “You know, the guy who waits for your parents to not be at home before deflowering their daughter in the bed she's had since childhood. You know, that guy, the one that looks for any and every opportunity to get you naked. I was that guy and I don't want to be him ever again.”
    Okay. So logically I appreciated what he was saying. I knew that he was telling me that he cared about me enough to not disrespect my parents and their house by having sex with me in it. But right then, all I heard was that he had done this very thing with girls before me. And he wasn't gonna do it with me. And it pissed me off. What was wrong with me? Was I not good enough to share that sort of intimacy with? I mean, it was obvious he had been less than discriminating in the past.
    I turned my back to him and straightened my clothes, putting my bra back in place and putting my hair in a ponytail. “Mags.” Clay said quietly from behind me. I leaned over and picked my Spanish book up off the floor and started to open it. Clay sat beside me. “Maggie. Don't be upset. Come on.” He pulled the book off of my lap and I just sat there, staring at my hands.
    I was embarrassed and, worst of all, I felt rejected.
    “Look at me.” I lifted my eyes to his very concerned ones. “What did I say to make you look like that?” He asked. Stupid, oblivious boy. My face flushed red. “So, you've had sex a bunch before. You know, done stuff with girls. But you won't do that stuff with me -your girlfriend. Am I getting this right?” I asked tightly. Clay brushed the hair from my face. “You silly, silly girl. Where does all this insecurity come from?” I started to pull away, annoyed that he could throw my insecurities in my face when he was the king of them! But he held me fast, holding onto my upper arms, forcing me to look at him.
    “What I did before, that was another life. I was another person. I wasn't someone you would have ever wanted to be around, let alone be your boyfriend.” I started to protest what he was saying. To argue that I would have loved him no matter what he was like, but he silenced me.
    “No, listen, Maggie. I wasn't a good person. I was sick and addicted to the worst possible things. So yes. I had sex. I fooled around with a lot of different girls. But none of it meant anything. Those girls, they used me. I used them, to try and feel something. But it was all a lie. Because I hated them. Hated myself. Nothing mattered until I met you.” His eyes were intense as they looked into mine. I was holding my breath.
    “Maggie. When we make love, I want it to be special. Not some quickie in your bedroom before your parents come home. I want more than that for us. I want to be able to hold you all night and feel you against me as I fall asleep. I want us to be perfect together.” God, his words set me on fire. Had there ever been two people who loved each other as much as we did? I couldn't put into words the way we felt about each other.
    “I love you.” I breathed. Since saying it that first time, I found that I just couldn't stop. I wanted him to know every second of every day how much he meant to me. “God, Maggie.” He whispered, leaning forward, capturing my mouth with his. “I love you more than anything. With everything that I am.” He answered me. Okay, I was done for. I crashed into him again. Our mouths molded together, our breath coming fast. “Just a little bit. Please, just give me something.” I begged into his mouth. Clay's heart beat erratically beneath my hand as I pressed into him.
    Helpless against my feminine wiles, Clay slipped his hands up my shirt and pressed his hands against my breasts. He rubbed my nipples with his fingers, sending shocks of