Find You in the Dark

with me. How he used me as a bandage for all of his other problems. I pushed aside the annoying realization that perhaps that wasn't a healthy way to be...that I couldn't make everything better for him; as much as he told me that I was all he needed.
    Instead, I focused on my memories of making love to him and holding him the entire night. Of feeling safe and secure as his arms wrapped around me, purposefully ignoring any and all thoughts of what had occurred before that . The point was that I couldn't imagine ever loving someone the way I loved him. And I swore I never would.

    “Wow, grounded for a month with no cell phone or car! You might as well be dead, Mags.” Rachel said sympathetically as we sat around the lunch table commiserating over my horrible fate the following day. Clay squeezed my hand tightly, pressing close to my side. It felt like a week since I had seen him, when it had been less than a day.
    I turned my head and met his mouth, kissing him deeply, not caring who saw it. Pulling my lips from Clay's with a groan that made him smile, I returned my attention back to Rachel. Who was sitting closer to Daniel than usual. Daniel, when he thought no one was looking, would lightly rub her back and then drop his hand back to his side. I hadn't had a chance to talk to Daniel about everything-( you know, with the whole grounded until I die thing-), but you'd have to be blind not to see the change in their relationship. I couldn't help but smile at them, feeling happy for my two best friends.
    “I know. But they went nuclear.” I crunched on my carrot stick. Clay rested his hand on my lower back. “We'll find a way around it. Maybe I should start sneaking into your room after your parents go to bed.” Clay teased. Though, looking into his eyes, I knew he was being serious.
    “I thought you hated heights.” I reminded him, lightly pinching his leg. Clay shrugged. “If that's what it takes to see you alone, then I'd climb Mount fucking Everest.” I appreciated the sentiment. I really did. But I knew him doing something like that, given the precarious state of my relationship with my parents, could only spell disaster.
    “Yeah, I don't think you sneaking into my bedroom is the greatest idea.” I said, trying to dissuade him. Clay frowned at me. “Well, if you don’t want me to come over, then I won't bother.” His mercurial mood changed in an instant and he turned away from me, pulling his arm from my waist and started eating his lunch.
    Rachel cocked her eyebrow at him, and then looked at me. I rolled my eyes, trying to make light of it, though I hated when he did this. When he would become upset or angry and then shut down. I watched Clay from the corner of my eye and saw he was doing just that. His body language was stiff and he wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. Rachel and Daniel talked quietly to themselves, making a point to ignore the scene that was brewing between Clay and I.
    I couldn't take this stupid wall that had suddenly gone up between us, so I scooted over to him on the bench and put my hand on his upper thigh. I leaned in and rubbed my nose on his chin. “Don't be like that, Clay. Please.” I whispered. I felt him pull away slightly, but I didn't give up. “You know I want to be with you all the time.” I insisted, kissing the corner of his down turned mouth.
    I felt him soften and he covered my hand with his. “I just can't take not seeing you or talking to you at night. I need you.” He told me urgently. His eyes met mine. “We'll figure something out. I need you too.” I reassured him, kissing him gently.
    That seemed to settle him down and I could feel his body relax beside mine. “I told my parents I was staying after school so I could get some extra help in Chemistry. Why don't I blow off my study group and we go to your house.” I suggested, kissing him again.
    Clay put his hands on my face, rubbing his nose with mine in a way that made my heart melt. I saw his eyes smolder as he contemplated what I was suggesting. “Mmmm. I like that idea.” he murmured, wrapping his arms around me again and pressing his face into my hair. At that moment the vice principal, Mr. Kane, decided to make an appearance. “Enough you two. We have school rules about PDA. Do you need to come down to the office to review them?” He crossed his hairy arms over his chest and looked stern.
    Clay and I broke apart as I gathered my messenger bag and tray. Last thing I needed was for Mr.