For Darkness Shows the Stars

This behavior from one of their own servants would have sent Tatiana through the roof several minutes ago. But no, her sister seemed preoccupied with the weave of the tassels on Felicia’s shoulder epaulets.
    “Ah, here he is,” said the admiral, bounding from his chair to the window. Two figures in free Post dress were coming up the steps of the porch. “Miss Elliot, I’m excited to introduce you to the pilot of the ship we’ll be building here, to the captain of the Argos —”
    But Elliot saw him clearly through the window. She needed no introduction.
    No midnight blue jacket, no new, longer haircut, no strange, noble bearing—nothing would serve to disguise him to her eyes. She had only a moment to compose herself and then he walked into the room. Into her house, for the first time in years.
    “Miss Elliot,” said the admiral, as she staggered to her feet. Out shot her hand, reluctantly, mechanically, obeying a courtesy so ingrained as to be unconscious. He was taller now. Taller than her. And though he turned in her direction, his hand did not rise to meet hers, and his eyes remained fixed on the mantel beyond her head. “May I present Captain Malakai Wentforth.”
    “Hello.” His voice was the same. It rang through Elliot’s body like a thunderclap announcing a storm.
    “Hello,” said Elliot, for parroting him was all she could trust herself to say, there in her old, worn clothes, with her braids all mussed; there, in the same room with the same furniture and the same fire and her hand floating in the air between them, curling out into space like a misguided vine, yearning desperately for him to reach across the distance and touch her again.
    Hello, Kai.

F OUR Y EARS A GO
     
    Dear Kai,
    The sun is probably streaming in through the big barn windows now, which means you’re awake. And if you’re awake, it means you’re wondering where I went.
    I haven’t run away from you, I promise. But I knew that today of all days, they’d need me in the house. Tatiana may be the head of our household now, but she’s not the one the staff will look to in my mother’s absence. And there is so much to do to prepare for the funeral. Also, I have to go tell my grandfather what has happened to his daughter. I don’t want him to hear of her death from anyone but me.
    Thank you for last night. I wish I could say I don’t know why you are the one I ran to—you, Kai, not Tatiana or my father or even my grandfather. But I know why. And I have a confession to make.
    After you let me cry, after you let me sob and shout and choke on all that pain—after you did all that, and didn’t say a word—I didn’t fall asleep like you thought. Not right away. I lay there, wadded up into a ball, and you curved your body behind mine. You were barely touching me—your thigh against the edge of my hip, your arm draped lightly across my waist, your fingers entwined with mine. How many times have our hands touched, when we were passing each other tools or helping each other in and out of machines? Hundreds of times. Thousands. But last night, it felt different. You cradled my hand in yours, palms up, our fingers curled in like a pair of fallen leaves. Fallen, maybe, but not dead. My hand never felt so alive. Every place you touched me sparked with energy. I couldn’t sleep. Not like that.
    And so I bent my head, just the slightest bit, until my mouth reached our hands. I smelled the oil you never quite get off your fingers. I breathed in the scent of your skin. And then, as if that was all I was doing, just breathing, I let my bottom lip brush against your knuckle.
    Time stopped. I was sure you’d see through my ruse and pull away. I was sure you’d know that I was not asleep, that I was not just breathing. But you didn’t move, so I did it again. And again. And on the third time, I let my top lip join my bottom.
    I kissed your hand, Kai. I didn’t do it to thank you for letting me cry. For letting me sleep in your arms. I thought you should know.
    Yours,
    Elliot
        
     
    Dear Elliot,
    I know. When will I see you again?
    Yours,
    Kai

Five
     
    IT WAS OVER IN minutes.
    Kai told the admiral about a problem with one of the sun-carts, recruited Donovan to assist him, and took his leave. He hadn’t spoken more than those two syllables to Elliot, and she, for her part, allowed the admiral to do all the talking. As soon as he was gone, she looked at Tatiana, but could detect no sense of smugness or glee in her sister.