Frankenstein - According to

a
sphere
    They ran out of air So they got
out of there
    One tried holding his breath
    This brought on his death.
     
    But
here were books and here were men who had penetrated deeper and knew no more.
Some had descended to a depth of 300 fathoms but couldn’t hole their breath any
longer and had to ascend having proved bugger all. I was self-taught with
regard to my favourite studies; hunchbacks and fairies. My father was not
scientific but he could juggle with melons. I entered, with the greatest
diligence, into the subject of the philosopher’s stone and where he had hidden
it, and the elixir of life. The nearest thing that man had to that was
Horlicks. Some disbelieved in Horlicks as the elixir of life and said it
actually was Oxo. Wealth was an inferior object, but by God it paid the rent.
But the glory would attend to the discovery if I could find ways to make man
invulnerable to any violent death, like an elephant falling on him.
    Then
there was the raising of ghosts and devils. If my incantations were always
unsuccessful, people would point me out in the street and say, ‘See him, his:
incantations are unsuccessful.’ I attributed my failure to' wearing skin-tight
underpants to avoid ants getting in. And thus for a time I was occupied by
exploded systems.* There were dozens of explosions going on throughout the
house. One blew up my father’s breakfast, another one blew him up. One
explosion blew my mother off the W.C. at a critical moment.
    One
day there was a violent and terrible thunderstorm that burst at once with
frightful loudness and ripped my trousers off. I remained while the storm
lasted, watching its progress. I beheld a stream of fire issue from an old and
beautiful oak. It stood just a few yards from where I stood and my face was
smoke-blackened. My mother screamed when she saw me. ‘Help,’ she shouted,
‘There’s a nigger in the house with no trousers on!’
    I
at once gave up my former occupations — clog dancing, bare-back riding and
pheasant plucking. I set down natural history and all its progeny as a deformed
and abortive creation, i.e., a three-legged cripple. Are we bound to prosperity
or ruin? When I look back it seems to me that this remarkable change of
inclination and will was a suggestion of the guardian angel of my life — Dick
Tonk. [What in God’s name is he talking about? Ed.]

CHAPTER III
     
     
     
    When
I was seventeen and had learned to spell cat, dog and duck, they decided I
should become a student at the university of Ingolstadt. I should be made
acquainted with the customs of my country, with dwarf hurling, haddock
stretching and ostrich strangling. My sister had caught scarlet fever, and she
caught it with a butterfly net. During her illness we had to prevent my mother
nursing her to death. Elizabeth was saved, but the consequence of this
imprudence was fatal. On the third day, mother sickened; but for this illness
she would be back home boiling custard. Even on her death bed her fortitude
continued — she did 250 press ups; it proved too much for her and she died. ‘It
is all our bloody daughter’s fault,’ said father.
     
    I went to my mother’s funeral
    It was raining with a grey sky
    But in her coffin, she was nice
and dry
    I wanted to cry, but I could only
try, try, try.
     
    I
need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties were with the Lords
Taverners, Grenadier Guards, and the Royal Artillery. During the Napoleonic
wars my father had volunteered to serve with Lord Nelson’s cricket team. Nelson
bowled him with his good arm for a duck. They were playing on deck during the
battle and a Spanish marksman, knowing nothing of cricket, shot Nelson and play
was halted for the day.
    The
funeral over, I departed for Ingolstadt. I desired to see my Elizabeth
consoled. She indeed veiled her grief — she put a blanket over her head and
looked through a hole. I left her to her life or ironing, cooking mountain
climbing, scuba diving and dwarf hurling.
    On
the day of my departure, Clerval spent the evening balancing on one leg and
sword swallowing. Henry felt the misfortune of being debarred from a life of
idleness and financial ruin.
    Next
morning, grabbing the seat of my trousers, I threw myself into the chaise and
shot out the other side. I love my brother Edward and my friend Clerval. Such
were my reflections, which I managed by bending down and observing myself in
the seat of my shiny trousers. There came into my life a Mr Krempe. He