Frankenstein - According to

with hair the
brightest gold colour. It seemed to set a crown of distinction on her head. She
had blue eyes.
    When
my father returned from Milan he found in the hall of our villa a child fairer
than a pictured cherub — a creature who seemed to shed radiance from her looks
and whose form and motions were lighter than the chamois of the hills. And,
above all, she had good drainage. It would be unfair to keep her in poverty
when we could give her a better quality of poverty. Her name was Elizabeth.
Everyone loved her, even Lord Palmerston and Lord Nelson; everyone had the most
reverential attachment, which was attached to her side. On the morning her
parents presented Elizabeth to me promised gift, she arrived gift wrapped.

CHAPTER II
     
     
     
    We
were brought up together, only one inch separated us. I was capable of a more
intense application and was deeply smitten with a thirst for knowledge. I got
her to play doctors and nurses. At heart I was a dirty little devil. I She
busied herself with following the aerial creations of I the poets. ‘The
nightingale. Blessed bard death wasn’t meant for thee.’ Now let some other
bloody bird snuff it. It was summer, the brilliant sun, the flowers and cow
pats, and Elizabeth pursued the world of nature. What ! causes elephants? I had
never had them so I couldn’t | answer her.
    On
the birth of a second son, my parents gave U P their wandering life
and fixed themselves in their native country using contact glue. We possessed a
villa in Venice. When we visited there I forgot and as I opened the
back door I stepped straight into the canal. My parents’ lives had passed into
considerable delusion. He locked himself in the loo all day and she locked
herself in the attic all night. I united Myself in the bonds of a close friend;
he had a hundred pounds’ worth. Henry Clerval was a boy singular talents. He
could play hop-scotch, and above all he liked whipping. He read books of
chivalry romance and Sade and he composed heroic songs: ’I’ve got a heroic
bunch of coconuts, see them all standing ii a row, big ones, little ones, ones
as big as your head, etc, etc.’ He liked characters — King Arthur and his Round
Table, the one he had breakfast on. He wanted to shed blood to redeem the Holy
Sepulchre from the Infidel which meant Saladin, who beat the shit out of the
Crusaders.
     
    Saladin was fighting for
Jerusalem
    He said the city belonged to him
    He and his calvary charged the
city
    But they missed, ‘twas such a
pity.
     
    My
parents were possessed by a generous spirit, usually 90% proof Famous Grouse.
    My
temper was sometimes violent and I was given to swinging a cat round and round
my head in a room just to prove there was enough space to swing one. I was
trying to solve the physical secrets of the world: did Queen Victoria have thin
legs? and did John Brown wear anything under the kilt?
    Clerval
was desperate to be a horse in the charge of the Light Brigade. To this effect
he went around wearing a saddle on his back and charging imaginary Russian
guns.
    I
had exquisite pleasure in dwelling on the recollections of my childhood — a
bottle, my potty, and my crap-filled nappy.
    One
day we went to the baths near Thonon. The inclement weather obliged us to
remain a day, confined to the inn. I chanced to find a volume of the works of
Cornelius Agrippa. I opened it; a new light seemed to dawn upon my mind. I
communicated my discovery to my father who said, ‘Ah, Cornelius Agrippa. My
dear Victor, do not waste your time upon this crap.’ Apparently, Agrippa’s
theories were crap and had been entirely exploded — which blew his leg off.
     
    I found Cornelius Agrippa’s book
    I thought I’d have a look
    He opened up my mind
    He did it from behind
    I’ve still got the scar
    Which can be seen from afar.
     
    When
I returned home my first care was to procure what works were left of this
author. They consisted of a wooden leg and Paracelsus and Albetus Magnus. I
read and studied the wild fancies of these writers — most of them fancied women
with big tits. I always came from my studies discontented and unsatisfied. Sir
Isaac Newton said he felt like a child picking up shells beside the ocean but
never finding one. So? I had gazed upon the fortifications and impediments that
seemed to keep human beings from entering the citadel of nature, and rashly and
ignorantly I had repined. [This is a lot of bollocks. Ed.]
     
    So once a year
    Scientists went 100 feet down in