Ghost Time

finally, I cocked my chin, threatening: Was I talking to you? I said, irritated, and they looked down in tandem. Fortunately or unfortunately, the bus came a minute later, and I was last on, saying hey to Mason, the driver, before bracing myself, knowing I was about to be hit again by the heinous sound of the bus door vacuum-sealing our fates for another day, as Mason gripped thehandle, pulling the door closed behind me. Everyone was waiting for me, and I sighed and took a seat halfway, making this little second grader move over, so I could have the window.
    My bones felt so heavy, I thought, God, do I have mono? What’s wrong with me? And then, once again, I remembered, No, I don’t have mono: I have boyfriend. Or worse, had: I had a boyfriend. All of a sudden, I felt sick to my stomach. For a second, I thought I was going to puke, and I squeezed my bag, trying to breathe. Thankfully, I swallowed, and it passed. But the light: Where is all this light coming from? I thought, looking up. I unzipped a pocket and pulled out my sunglasses, resting my head against the window, but there was no escape. Finally, I looked up at the morning sky, at the sun, thinking, Is that really necessary?
    The day was just—thick. I don’t know how else to describe it. Not just slow, you know, but more like, like you were trudging through water up to your knees, and you had to be careful with every step, pushing yourself forward, tugging to get through it. I was in English when the knock finally came, and then, hearing Linda knock, the scariest sound you can ever hear in a high school classroom: quiet.
    I knew it was Foley, too. I just knew he was waiting for me with something dirty, something I’d never want to see, and I got as far as the office door, and then I stood there. I mean, I had my hand on the office door, and then I was just like, No. I don’t have to do this. I don’t have to go in there. I don’t have to talk to him. I don’t have to watch any more sex videos of me and my boyfriend that can’t possibly be real, nothing—none of it. Then I let go of the door handle, and I walked to the front doors, and Iwalked out. First time in my life, I walked straight out the doors, didn’t even turn around to get the rest of my books.
    I walked into Silver Top and Sharon’s head snapped—even the Elders stopped talking. Everyone looked at the clock on the wall. I just shook my head no, you don’t want to know, and I went to my booth. Not our booth, my booth, and I sat down. I took my phone out, and Sharon brought me some coffee, and she did the sweetest thing. She didn’t ask if I was okay, because clearly I wasn’t. But for the very first time, she leaned over and kissed my head. I don’t know why it made me all teary, but I looked up, smiling, and I looked away, before I started crying.
    I just sat there for an hour or two, watching this video of us that I took on our last snow day. I had to hide my head, because I didn’t want the Elders to see me wiping the tears away, and then I noticed something weird. My video looked kinda strange. I played it again, and it started to, I don’t know, like it started to fade, like someone poured bleach into my phone. I started the video again, and it got worse every time, so finally I called and I got Knox’s voice mail, so I left a message. I said, It’s Thea. I’m at Silver Top, and you’ve got to get over here, and he called me back two minutes later, and I said, Knox, something weird is happening, and I heard him sigh, but then he said he was on his way.
    He took, like, twenty minutes to get there, and when he walked in, he slid into the booth with me, and I go, What took you so long? He goes, Thea, I’ve got other work—. I go, Yeah, listen: something really strange is going on. And he goes, You don’t say. I said, No, with my phone and my computer, both. Look, I said, patting the seat beside me, telling him to slide over,so he sighed again, then he did. See: this is a video we shot a few months ago in my room. Cam’s got a brand-new video camera, too—he got it for Christmas, I said, holding up my phone. Now, look, I said, pressing play. Look at how it’s all grainy and queasy.
    He watched the whole thing all the way through, and then his head pulled back, like, Whoa. I go, Right? Have you ever seen anything like that before? And Knox said, Wow. It’s like it’s disintegrating, and I said, It can’t disintegrate—it’s digital, digitized, whatever. It