Ghost Time

bed. I used to kick and scream every night at bedtime. So the next day, my dad put those glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. Remember that star wallpaper, Thee? he said, and I nodded my head yes. I never had it, but I remember it, and Cam said, After he hung up the Milky Way, the first night, tucking me in, my dad said not to tell anyone, not even my mom, because I had the secret of the whole universe right on my ceiling, where no one would ever think to look—except me.
    It made me smile, listening to him, because Cam never really talked about his family. So I kept quiet, hoping he’d keep talking, and he did. He said, From then on, my mom never had to force me to go to bed again, because I could look at my stars all night. I did, too—they used to keep me up at night, he said, kissing the top of my head. Because stars made me think about time, and time made me want to learn about physics and math, and once I found math, he said, his muscles tensing beneath me. I had to bite my tongue, because he was on such a roll, I didn’t want him to stop talking, when he said, Who’s to say that time is any one thing? Who’s to say that time moves in any one direction, and that the only direction is forward? What if time isn’t one thing, but many, Thee? What if time is plural, and time can move forward and backward? What if there are two times, moving forward and backward, simultaneously, like two men in a duel? Think about it: what if time can play tricks on itself, sneak up on itself—Ghost Time, he said. What’s that? I said, and he said, That’s what I call it, the equation I’m working on: Ghost Time.
    I had my head on his chest, looking at his skin, so white, such perfect skin, and then I looked up and said, Cam? I felt him snap back like a rubber band, and he looked down at me. I said, Tell me this isn’t what you think about when we’re having sex. Ghost Time? He started laughing, making my head shake, and he said, Would that offend you? And I cocked my head like, tell me that’s not what you think about, and he grinned. Well, the forward and backward part, maybe, he said, and I was just like, You are such a perv! You are such a pervy nerd ! I was about to grab a pillow and hit him when his phone chimed again, and I was like, Ohmygod, who is having an algebra meltdown? I didn’t mean to snap, but he kept getting texts all afternoon, and he suddenly looked so stressed out about it, reading the message. Which is weird, because Cam never gets stressed out about anything, but I know he takes his tutoring really seriously, so I rolled over to let him get up.
    He kissed my shoulder, and then he goes, Listen, Thee. I know you can’t keep your hand off my pervy nerd bod, throwing the covers off of us. But I’m late, he said, standing up and putting on his jeans in one jump, while I propped my head on my hand, and then I said, Then again, who knows. If you’re late in one time, maybe you’re early in another, right, boy genius? Hearing that, he immediately stopped buttoning his jeans, looked up at me, surprised, and then he goes, Aren’t you clever! See what a good influence I am on you? Then, of course, I had to laugh. You? You’re the good influence? Cam ignored me, cocking his head behind him, all business. Walk me out? he said. So I threw on a shirt, while he zipped up his jacket, and he took my hand, leadingme to the front door… then I snapped back, too. Returning from some other time, the one moving us backward, while I moved forward, alone.
    Happy—that’s when I realized what was going on—I was happy. Talk about will wonders never cease, because I was so happy, I fell on my side, giggling, and then there was this voice in my head that was just like, Would you stop ? Stop it, you’re disgusting! We are, too—ohmygod, Cam and I, we’re so sickening, we make my teeth hurt. But then I was just like, So? I mean, seriously, how many times in your life do you get to feel like that, much less for the first time? Once, right? You get that maybe once in your whole life, so why would you ever take that away from yourself?
    I mean, unless you’re afraid, and I’m not—not anymore. I used to be, I used to be so scared, if anyone had told me six months ago that I’d meet this boy and my whole life would change, that I would change, I never would’ve believed it, no way. But I did—it’s all true—I met a boy, and I have changed. Just to prove how fearless I am, I opened the door again, and Cam