Gingerbread Man

bent his head, thinking that if this version of the story was true, they needed to know who Amanda's abusive father had been. Because he might very well be the killer they sought. If it was true. "Thank you, Doc. Thanks a lot."
    "Amanda still doesn't remember what came before, Vince. Hell, it's probably better that way."
    Vince picked up the file, tucked it under his arm. "Maybe you're right." But deep down he knew these revelations didn't prove a thing. Not really. Doc hadn't seen the child arrive. Vince knew the way a good prosecutor's mind would work. Doc's testimony only went so far. For all he knew, Reg could have had the girl captive for weeks, and only called the doctor in when she seemed too ill to survive without help. Perhaps Reggie was a sick child molester who had decided to keep the girl and raise her as his own. How could anyone know for sure, if Amanda herself couldn't even remember?
    * * *
    HOLLY AND AMANDA ran from the hospital's side entrance, through gathering rain and utter slick, shiny darkness, to Amanda's car. "You drive," Amanda said. "I'm still too shaky."
    Holly nodded, taking the keys and getting into the driver's side. Amanda slid in the passenger side and brushed the droplets from her hair, as Holly started the engine and turned on the wipers and the heat.
    "Where do you want to go?"
    "Back home. To Reggie's house."
    Holly wiped a hole in the fogged-up windshield and pulled out of the parking lot. "You realize that's the first place they'll look, don't you, Amanda?"
    "It's all right. We won't be there long." She glanced at Holly. "I mean, I won't. You can do whatever you want. I don't want to pull you any further into my nightmare. You helped me get back here, that's all I can ask you to do."
    Holly reached across the seat, closed her hand around Amanda's. "It's everyone's nightmare now. And I want to—I need to help you through to the end of this thing, Amanda. But, I'm not sure I understand."
    "I need to remember," Amanda said. "It's time for me to remember."
    "The time before you came to live with Reggie."
    Amanda nodded.
    "How much do you remember, Amanda? You never got the chance to tell me back at the hospital."
    Amanda closed her eyes. "I remember pain."
    "And nothing else?"
    "No, there's more. Fear. Darkness, and rain, and thunder, and cold. Those are the things I remember, the only things I remember when I try to think of the time before Reggie. The things I was feeling. Mostly the cold and the fear. I was so cold I couldn't feel my bare feet anymore. And the thunder kept getting louder."
    Holly waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "You were outside, in your bare feet, in the middle of a thunderstorm?"
    Amanda nodded. "At night. I don't think I knew where I was."
    "So, you were not in a town you knew, or at least not a neighborhood you knew," Holly suggested. Then she bit her lip. "Then again, to a small child, any neighborhood would probably seem foreign in the dark, in the rain."
    "Yes." Amanda's brows knitted in concentration. "I saw light, and I went toward it, but then I couldn't go anymore, and I just sank to the ground. I remember looking up and into the kindest eyes I thought I had ever seen. I was ... yes, I was curled up on the wet ground, outside the front gate of Reggie's place. He picked me up, and he carried me inside, and he wrapped me in warm blankets."
    "And then what happened?"
    "It gets clearer after that. The next thing I remember is Dr. Graycloud and Reggie, feeding me warm, sweetened milk and telling me that I was safe. That no one would hurt me anymore. That I could trust them. They were warmth and light. And after a while, they made the pain go away."
    "They fed you, gave you a warm bed, promised you they'd keep you safe."
    "Yes," Amanda said. "Yes, and I needed to believe that so badly that I did. I remember in the morning, Reggie told me whatever happened before didn't matter. That I should try to forget about it, because it couldn't hurt me ever again. That it was gone, as if it had never been. That I was starting all over again." She looked at Holly squarely. "And I think I took those words to heart, I really do. Because I forgot everything. My name. My history. Whatever horrible things had been done to me..."
    "Have you tried therapy?"
    Amanda sighed. "Therapy, hypnosis, drugs. Uncle Reg got me the best doctors money could buy. Most of them agreed that if I couldn't remember my past, it would be a bad idea to try to force it." She sent Holly a