Good Omens

must ’ve got more Oscars than Gone with the Wind! ”
    â€œPuppet on a String! Sandie Shaw! Honest. I’m bleeding positive!”
    â€œ1666!”
    â€œNo, you great pillock! That was the fire! The Plague was 1665!”
    â€œIt’s ‘B’—the Great Wall of China wasn’t one of the Seven Wonders of the world!”
    There were four options: Pop Music, Sport, Current Events, and General Knowledge. The tall biker, who had kept his helmet on, was pressing the buttons, to all intents and purposes oblivious of his supporters. At any rate, he was consistently winning.
    The red rider went over to the counter.
    â€œA cup of tea, please. And a cheese sandwich,” she said.
    â€œYou on your own, then, dear?” asked the waitress, passing the tea, and something white and dry and hard, across the counter.
    â€œWaiting for friends.”
    â€œAh,” she said, biting through some wool. “Well, you’re better off waiting in here. It’s hell out there.”
    â€œNo,” she told her. “Not yet.”
    She picked a window table, with a good view of the parking lot, and she waited.
    She could hear the Trivia Scrabblers in the background.
    â€œThass a new one, ‘How many times has England been officially at war with France since 1066?”’
    â€œTwenty? Nah, s’ never twenty … Oh. It was. Well, I never.”
    â€œAmerican war with Mexico? I know that. It’s June 1845. ‘D’—see! I tol’ you!”
    The second-shortest biker, Pigbog (6' 3"), whispered to the shortest, Greaser (6' 2"):
    â€œWhat happened to ‘Sport,’ then?” He had LOVE tattooed on one set of knuckles, HATE on the other.
    â€œIt’s random wossit, selection, innit. I mean they do it with microchips. It’s probably got, like, millions of different subjects in there, in its RAM.” He had FISH across his right-hand knuckle, and CHIP on the left.
    â€œPop Music, Current Events, General Knowledge, and War. It’s just I’ve never seen ‘War’ before. That’s why I mentioned it.” Pigbog cracked his knuckles, loudly, and pulled the ring tab on a can of beer. He swigged back half a can, belched carelessly, then sighed. “I just wish they’d do more bleeding Bible questions.”
    â€œWhy?” Greaser had never thought of Pigbog as being a Bible trivia freak.
    â€œâ€™Cos, well, you remember that bit of bother in Brighton?”
    â€œOh, yeah. You was on Crimewatch,” said Greaser, with a trace of envy.
    â€œWell, I had to hang out in that hotel where me mam worked, dinni? Free months. And nothin’ to read, only this bugger Gideon had left his Bible behind. It kind of sticks in your mind.”
    Another motorbike, jet black and gleaming, drew up in the car-park outside.
    The door to the café opened. A blast of cold wind blew through the room; a man dressed all in black leather, with a short black beard, walked over to the table, sat next to the woman in red, and the bikers around the video scrabble machine suddenly noticed how hungry they all were, and deputed Skuzz to go and get them something to eat. All of them except the player, who said nothing, just pressed the buttons for the right answers and let his winnings accumulate in the tray at the bottom of the machine.
    â€œI haven’t seen you since Mafeking,” said Red. “How’s it been going?”
    â€œI’ve been keeping pretty busy,” said Black. “Spent a lot of time in America. Brief world tours. Just killing time, really.”
    (“What do you mean, you’ve got no steak and kidney pies?” asked Skuzz, affronted.
    â€œI thought we had some, but we don’t,” said the woman.)
    â€œFeels funny, all of us finally getting together like this,” said Red.
    â€œFunny?”
    â€œWell, you know. When you’ve spent all these thousands of years waiting for the big day, and it finally comes. Like waiting for Christmas. Or birthdays.”
    â€œWe don’t have birthdays.”
    â€œI didn’t say we do. I just said that was what it was like.”
    (“Actually,” admitted the woman,“it doesn’t look like we’ve got anything left at all. Except that slice of pizza.”
    â€œHas it got anchovies on it?” asked Skuzz gloomily. None of the chapter liked anchovies. Or olives.
    â€œYes, dear. It’s anchovy and olives.