Guards! Guards!

inefficiently, without the aid of doctors. It was generally thought that the existence of cures encouraged slackness and was in any case probably against Nature’s way.
    “Have I already said ‘Where am I?’” said Vimes faintly.
    “Yes.”
    “Did I get an answer?”
    “Dunno where this place is, Captain. It belongs to some posh bint. She said to bring you up here.”
    Even though Vimes’s mind appeared to be full of pink treacle he nevertheless grabbed two clues and wrestled them together. The combination of “rich” and “up here” meant something. So did the strange chemical smell in the room, which even overpowered Nobby’s more everyday odors.
    “We’re not talking about Lady Ramkin, are we?” he said cautiously.
    “You could be right. Great big biddy. Mad for dragons.” Nobby’s rodent face broke into the most horribly knowing grin Vimes had ever seen. “You’re in her bed,” he said.
    Vimes peered around him, feeling the first overtures of a vague panic. Because now that he could halfway focus, he could see a certain lack of bachelor sockness about the place. There was a faint hint of talcum powder.
    “Bit of a boodwah,” said Nobby, with the air of a connoisseur.
    “Hang on, hang on a minute,” said Vimes. “There was this dragon. It was right over us…”
    The memory rose up and hit him like a zombie with a grudge.
    “You all right, Captain?”
    —the talons, outspread, wide as a man’s reach; the boom and thump of the wings, bigger than sails; the stink of chemicals, the gods alone knew what sort…
    It had been so close he could see the tiny scales on its legs and the red gleam in its eyes. They were more than just reptile eyes. They were eyes you could drown in.
    And the breath, so hot that it wasn’t like fire at all, but something almost solid, not burning things but smashing them apart…
    On the other hand, he was here and alive. His left side felt as though it had been hit with an iron bar, but he was quite definitely alive.
    “What happened?” he said.
    “It was young Carrot,” said Nobby. “He grabbed you and the sergeant and jumped off the roof just before it got us.”
    “My side hurts. It must have got me,” said Vimes.
    “No, I reckon that was where you hit the privy roof,” said Nobby. “And then you rolled off and hit the water butt.”
    “What about Colon? Is he hurt?”
    “Not hurt. Not exactly hurt . He landed more sort of softly. Him being so heavy, he went through the roof. Talk about a short sharp shower of—”
    “And then what happened?”
    “Well, we sort of made you comfy, and then everyone went blundering about and shouting for the sergeant. Until they found out where he was, o’course, then they just stood where they were and shouted. And then this woman come running up yelling,” said Nobby.
    “This is Lady Ramkin you’re referring to?” said Vimes coldly. His ribs were aching really magnificently now.
    “Yeah. Big fat party,” said Nobby, unmoved. “Cor, she can’t half boss people about! ‘Oh, the poor dear man, you must bring him up to my house this instant.’ So we did. Best place, too. Everyone’s running around down in the city like chickens with their heads cut off.”
    “How much damage did it do?”
    “Well, after you were out of it the wizards hit it with fire-balls. It didn’t like that at all. Just seemed to make it stronger and angrier. Took out the University’s entire Widdershins wing.”
    “And—?”
    “That’s about it, really. It flamed a few more things, and then it must of flown away in all the smoke.”
    “No one saw where it went?”
    “If they did, they ain’t saying.” Nobby sat back and leered. “Disgusting, really, her livin’ in a room like this. She’s got pots of money, sarge says, she’s got no call livin’ in ordinary rooms. What’s the good of not wanting to be poor if the rich are allowed to go around livin’ in ordinary rooms? Should be marble.” He sniffed. “Anyway, she said I was to fetch her when you woke up. She’s feeding her dragons now. Odd little buggers, aren’t they. It’s amazing she’s allowed to keep ’em.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “You know. Tarred with the same brush, and that.”
    When Nobby had shambled out Vimes took another look around the room. It did, indeed, lack the gold leaf and marble that Nobby felt was compulsory for people of a high station in life. All the furniture was old, and the pictures on the wall, though doubtless