Her Last Breath: A Kate Burkholder Novel

with a black eye.”
    That wasn’t my impression of the Schlabach girl, not even close, but I keep the thought to myself. The time discrepancy bothers me, but I can get to the bottom of that later. For now, I need to know about Wayne Kuhns.
    “You need to tell me about Kuhns, Mattie. And I mean all of it. Right now.”
    She looks down at her hands. “Let’s sit.” But I know she doesn’t want to risk the woman downstairs overhearing us.
    I nod, and she takes me into her bedroom. Closing the door behind us, she motions toward a rocking chair at the window. She sits on the edge of the bed and puts her hands in her lap. “He started coming over about eight months ago.” She says the words so quietly I have to lean forward to hear. “At first it was innocent. The kind of thing a neighbor does. He would drop by on his way to the market and ask if we needed anything. Sometimes he would bring squash or eggs or bread. Once he helped Paul dig some postholes.”
    She stops speaking and takes a moment to gather herself. “After a while, I knew it wasn’t innocent.” Shame seems to emanate from her pores, like greasy, nervous sweat. “I could tell by the way he looked at me. Nothing I could put my finger on. But his eyes were too bold. I knew it wasn’t right. I knew he wasn’t coming over to just to be a good neighbor.”
    “He was coming to see you.”
    “I think he was lonely and sad. I think he was having problems in his life. His faith.”
    I stare at her, wondering how she could be so naïve. “Did you tell Paul?”
    “No.”
    “Why not?”
    “I didn’t want to upset him or turn it into some big issue. I know it may not make sense to you, Katie, but you’re not Amish anymore. You’re not married.” She struggles to find the right words. “I felt … ashamed. I mean, I know it wasn’t my fault; I hadn’t done anything wrong. But still … I know this sounds dense, but I didn’t want to get Wayne into trouble. His wife had just found out she was expecting. I thought it was a passing thing.”
    I stare at her, sensing I’m not getting the full story. She’s leaving something out, so I push. “What aren’t you telling me?”
    She picks at a hangnail that’s already picked down to the quick. “You know how the Amish are. Sometimes they talk.”
    “You mean about you?”
    “About the way I look. Some of the women … they don’t like me. Sometimes they’re all too willing to lay blame where there is none.”
    “So you didn’t mention it to Paul or anyone else because you thought the women would gossip about you? Blame you?”
    “Come on, Katie. You know how they are. Look at how they treated you.” Grimacing as if the memory of my leaving still pains her, she lowers her head, rubs at her forehead with her fingertips. “The women would think I’d somehow tempted him. That it was my fault.”
    “Tell me the rest of it.”
    “Things got bad when Wayne started coming over when Paul wasn’t home. That was when I knew the problem wasn’t going to go away on its own.”
    “Did he ever touch you inappropriately, Mattie? Did he ever try to do something you didn’t want him to do?”
    Before she looks away, I see misery and shame in the depths of her eyes and, despite everything, I’m moved. I want to put my arms around her and tell her everything’s going to be all right. That she didn’t do anything wrong. But I don’t.
    “He tried to, you know, kiss me. Once. He’d brought eggs and we were in the kitchen. He just sort of tried to put his mouth on mine. You know, all awkward-like, and I pushed him away.”
    “Did he get the message?”
    She averts her eyes again. “That last night, the night Sarah told you about, I threatened to go to his wife and tell her what he was doing. He stopped coming after that.”
    “You never told Paul?”
    “No.” Fresh tears pour from her eyes, but she makes no move to wipe them away. “Now I feel as if I betrayed him. As if I’ve done something wrong. I know I didn’t, but he’s gone and I’ll never have the chance to make it right.”
    I look away. Even though the door is closed, I can hear the clanging of pots and pans being washed and dried in the kitchen. “How did Kuhns take it when you threatened to go to his wife?”
    “He was angry. I mean, at first. But he is Amish, Katie. Aside from his weakness for the women, he’s a good man. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He loves his wife. In the end, he agreed to stay