Homeport

can’t depend on you anymore, Andrew, can I?” She looked at him now, saw how haggard his face was against the dark glasses he’d put on. He should have looked rakish, she thought. Instead he looked pitiful.
    “I know I’ve let you down.”
    “I can take care of myself. You’ve let yourself down.”
    “Miranda, please.” He’d known it wouldn’t be easy, but he hadn’t realized how completely her rejection would rip at him. “I know I’ve got a problem. I’m trying to come to terms with that. I’m . . . I’m going to a meeting tonight. AA.”
    He saw the flicker in her eyes, of hope, of sympathy, of love, and shook his head. “I don’t know if it’s going to be for me. I’m just going to go, listen, see how I feel about it.”
    “It’s a good start, it’s a good step.”
    He rose, stared out over the restless water. “When I left this morning, I went looking for a bottle. I didn’t realize it, didn’t consciously think about it. Not until I got the shakes, until I found myself driving around looking for a liquor store or a bar, anything that was open on a Sunday morning.”
    He looked down at his hand, flexed the fingers, felt the small aches. “It scared the hell out of me.”
    “I’ll help you, Andrew. I’ve read all the literature. I’ve been to a couple of Alanon meetings.”
    He turned back to stare at her. She was watching him, twisting the jacket in her hands. And the hope was deeper in her eyes. “I was afraid you’d started to hate me,” he said.
    “I wanted to. Just can’t.” She wiped at tears. “I’ve been so angry with you, for taking you away from me. When you left today I kept thinking you’d come back drunk, or you’d finally be stupid enough to drive when you’d been drinking and kill yourself. I would have hated you for that.”
    “I went to Annie’s. Didn’t know I was going there either, until I was parked in front of her building. She’s—I’m—Hell. I’m going to stay at her place for a few days. Give you some privacy with Ryan, give you and me a little space.”
    “Annie’s? You’re going to stay with Annie?”
    “I’m not sleeping with her.”
    “Annie?” she said again, gaping at him. “Annie McLean?”
    “Is that a problem for you?”
    It was the defensive way he said it that had her lips curving up. “No, not at all. That’s something I think I’d like very much to see. She’s a strong-willed, ambitious woman. And she won’t take any crap from you.”
    “Annie and I . . .” He wasn’t sure how to explain it. “We’ve got a history. Maybe now we’re going to see about having a present.”
    “I didn’t know you were anything but friends.”
    He stared down the beach, thought he could almost pick out the spot where two reckless teenagers had lost their innocence. “We were, then we weren’t. I don’t know what we are now.” But finding out, he thought, was giving him a direction and purpose he hadn’t had in too long. “I’m sleeping on her couch for a couple of nights. I’m going to get my feet under me again, whatever it takes. But the odds are I’m going to disappoint you again before I do.”
    She’d read everything she could get her hands on about alcoholism, treatment, recovery. She knew about backsliding, starting over, failure. “You’re not disappointing me today.” She held out a hand, linking fingers tight when he took it. “I’ve missed you so much.”
    He picked her up off the rock to hold her. He knew she was crying, could feel it in the little quivers her body made against his. But she made no sound. “Don’t give up on me, okay?”
    “Tried. Can’t.”
    He laughed a little and pressed his cheek to hers. “This thing you’ve got going with New York—”

    “How come he was Ryan before, and now he’s New York?”
    “Because now he’s messing around with my sister, and I’m reserving judgment. This thing you’ve got,” he repeated. “It’s working for you?”
    She drew back. “It’s working today.”
    “Okay. Since we’ve made up, why don’t we go up and have a drink to celebrate.” His dimples winked. “Drunk humor. How about a pot roast?”
    “It’s too late in the day to start one. I’ll make you a very manly meat loaf.”
    “Good enough.”
    As they started back, she braced herself, knowing she would have to tell him and shatter the moment. “Andrew, Mother called a bit ago.”
    “Can’t she take Easter off like everybody else?”
    “Andrew.” She