Hopeless

completely turned on by it at the same time. “Is that why you walked here? Because you’ve been drinking?”
    He shakes his head. “I walked here because I wanted a goodnight kiss and thankfully I couldn’t find my keys. But I wanted one so bad, baby. I missed you so bad tonight.” He kisses me and his mouth tastes like lemonade.
    “Why do you taste like lemonade?”
    He laughs. “All they had were these fruity froufrou drinks. I’m drunk off fruity froufrou girl drinks. It’s really sad and unattractive, I know.”
    “Well, you taste really good,” I say, pulling his mouth back to mine. He moans and presses himself against me, dipping his tongue further into my mouth. As soon as our bodies connect on the bed, he pulls away and stands up, leaving me breathless and alone on the mattress.
    “Time to go,” he says. “I already see this heading somewhere I’m too drunk to go right now. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
    I jump up and run and block the window before he can leave. He stops in front of me and folds his arms over his chest. “Stay,” I say. “Please. Just lay in bed with me. We can put pillows between us and I promise not to seduce you since you’re drunk. Just stay for an hour, I don’t want you to go yet.”
    He immediately turns and heads back to the bed. “Okay,” he says simply. He throws himself onto my bed and pulls the covers out from beneath him.
    That was easy.
    I walk back to the bed and lay down beside him. Neither of us places a pillow between us. Instead, I throw my arm over his chest and entwine my legs with his.
    “Goodnight,” he says, brushing my hair back. He kisses my forehead and closes his eyes. I tuck my head against his chest and listen to the rhythm of his heart. After several minutes, his breathing and heart rate have both regulated and he’s sound asleep. I can’t feel my arm anymore, so I gently lift it off of him and quietly roll over. As soon as I get situated on my pillow, he slides his arm over my waist and his legs over mine. “I love you, Hope,” he mutters.
    Um…
    Breathe, Sky.
    Just breathe.
    It’s not that hard.
    Take a breath.
    I squeeze my eyes shut and try to tell myself I did not just hear what I thought I heard. But he said it clear as day. And I honestly don’t know what breaks my heart more—the fact that he called me by someone else’s name, or the fact that he actually said love this time instead of live .
    I attempt to talk myself down from rolling over and punching him in his damn face. He’s been drinking and he was half asleep when he said it. I can’t assume she really means something to him when it could have just been a dream. But…who the hell is Hope? And why does he love her ?

I’m sweating because it’s hot under these covers, but I don’t want to take them off my head. I know if the door opens, it won’t matter if I have covers on or not, but I feel safer with them on anyway. I poke my fingers out and lift the piece of cover up that’s in front of my eyes. I look at the doorknob like I do every night.
    Don’t turn. Don’t turn. Please, don’t turn.
    It’s always so quiet in my room and I hate it. Sometimes I hear things that I think might be the doorknob turning and it makes my heart beat really hard and really fast. Right now, just staring at the doorknob is making my heart beat really hard and really fast, but I can’t stop staring at it. I don’t want it to turn. I don’t want that door to open, I don’t.
    Everything is so quiet.
    So quiet.
    The doorknob doesn’t turn.
    My heart stops beating so fast, because the doorknob never turns.
    My eyes get really heavy and I finally close them.
    I’m so glad that tonight’s not one of the nights that the doorknob turns.
    It’s so quiet.
    So quiet.

    And then it’s not, because the doorknob turns .

“Sky.”
    I’m so heavy. Everything is so heavy. I don’t like this feeling. There isn’t anything physically on my chest, but I feel a pressure unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And sadness. An overwhelming sadness is consuming me, and I have no idea why. My shoulders are shaking and there are sobs coming from somewhere in the room. Who’s crying?
    Am I crying?
    “Sky, wake up.”
    I feel his arm around me. His cheek is pressed against mine and he’s behind me, holding me tightly against his chest. I grab his wrist and lift his arm off of me. I sit up on the bed and look around. It’s dark outside. I don’t get it. I’m crying.
    He sits up beside