House of Blues

clears
up."
    "Remember that time I said you'd never seen me
in love? I warned you, didn't I? It's not a pretty sight."
    "Oh, don't be so dramatic. If it can't conquer
an allergy, it's not love."
    "Well, listen to the expert. Miss
Give-Up-Your-Career-and-Come-to-Me-or-Else. "
    Skip felt the blood come to her cheeks. "Go
ahead, Dee-Dee—bring up the stupidest thing I ever did in my life."
    "You didn't do anything I'm not capable of. You
were afraid you'd lose him—it's a feeling with which I'm familiar."
    "So I dumped him so he couldn't hurt me first."
Her face felt like a griddle. "Brilliant."
    "Not to mention kind, understanding, and loyal."
    She winced. "Dee-Dee, don't. The wound's too
fresh."
    "I'm sorry, Tiny One. I forget you're only tough
on duty."
    "Anyway, maybe I learned something from it."
    "What? Not to be scared? Not to do anything
stupid when you're scared? We all think we've learned that one, but
it keeps coming back. I don't know if there's anything to compare
with the fear that you might lose somebody you love."
    He looked so miserable Skip wanted to hug him like he
was Kenny's age.
    " Well, I might have learned specific things not
to do. Like try to replace him with somebody else just because I'm
scared shitless."
    "You're not going to say, 'even though men do
that all the time'?"
    "Come to think of it, I guess that's what Darryl
was doing. Maybe not quite that—for him it was a rebound thing."
    "There's fear in that too—the fear that never
goes away. That you'll get sick and you'll be alone. That you'll die
alone."
    She felt her throat closing. She thought of lim and
his two wives and two sets of children.
    At least he wasn't alone.
    Yes, he was. When he died, he was alone.
    I wasn't there.
    "What is it, Venus? What's wrong?"
    She shook her head. "Nothing. It's a sad
thought, that's all. Dying alone."
    "You've got me," he said, and she knew he
wanted to take her hand but wouldn't.
    "I know."
    "And I've got you. I know that, you don't have
to say it, but do you mind if I vent for a minute?"
    "Sure." But she was puzzled, having no idea
what was coming. "'Well, you could marry the man-mountain."
    " What! And make you miserable?" Though
things were better since Layne's arrival, the tension between Dee-Dee
and Steve would always be there.
    "It's just theoretical, darling. You could marry
him. I mean, it's legal."
    She was beginning to get his drift. "Dee-Dee,
for Christ's sake—you're pining for a white wedding? Sheila as
bridesmaid and Kenny as ring-bearer?"
    " Cruel, cruel beast."
    She could see he wasn't offended, but for form's sake
she said she was sorry.
    " Oh, I'm just carping. I'm not much into the
politics of it all. If Layne and I wanted to own property together,
we could. I could leave my oh-so-modest fortune to him—only now
there are Sheila and Kenny.
    " And you, of course. The city's so broke, you're
going to need help even if you make chief. " He got back to the
original subject: "What I'm talking about is more an angst kind
of thing."
    "About being gay." He'd never expressed the
slightest dissatisfaction with it, even though she knew he was in the
closet at work. "The truth is, I don't know if I'd feel
comfortable living with Layne, even if I didn't have the kids. You
know how I sometimes take a female date to parties? Like Your
Tininess, for instance. And now with the kids, would it really be the
best thing? I mean, would Kenny's little friends call him a queer and
stuff?"
    "Dee-Dee, Kenny's lost both parents. Compared to
that, it doesn't seem all that important."
    "But that's the point! His life's been hard, and
now he's in an alien world—I don't want to make it any worse."
    "Okay, so let's see if I'm getting this right.
You're upset because Layne's allergic to Angel, and also because you
can't marry him, but mostly because it wouldn't look too good to live
with him. Does that about cover it?"
    "Oh, Ming the Merciless. How can you?"
    "I'm just trying to get the lay of the land."
    Dee-Dee put a hand over his mouth. "I will not
make any cheap jokes." She could see he was cheering up. "God,
I'm unattractive when I get like this!"
    "Oh, you are not, Dee-Dee."
    " I don't know what comes over me, I just get
these pathetic longings."
    "Give yourself a break. The average person Wants
to be able to get married and have the same rights as anybody else—"
    "God, you sound doctrinaire."
    " Now you're going to trivialize it?"
    "Hey! Let's hear it for queers. I'm certainly
not going to