Human Remains

hope.
    We’d been through the list of names already, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were short of quite a few. Some of mine still haven’t been found. I like that thought. No matter what happens here, my legacy is still out there, like buried jewels waiting for an archaeologist to unearth them.
    With each interview, I could feel their confidence waning and their doubt increasing. If they couldn’t charge me with failing to report a death, what else was there? I had harmed no one. Other than the odd gentle touch on an arm, maybe, I had not laid a finger on them. And if they wanted to have a go at charging me with assisting a suicide, well – how could they prove it?
    ‘Colin,’ Lewis said. His voice seemed to be brighter this time. Maybe he had indulged in a strong cup of coffee in the interval. I sniffed the air, but could smell only body odour, and possibly something that might have been cheese and onion.
    ‘Detective Constable Lewis,’ I replied.
    He frowned a little but clearly was not going to let my sport spoil his surprise.
    ‘I’d like to ask you about the mobile phones.’
    ‘Yes,’ I said.
    ‘You provided a mobile phone for each of the individuals we discussed in the last interview. That is…’ he searched in his notes for the list we’d agreed and then ran a finger down it as he recited the names aloud ‘… Rachelle Hudson, Robin Downley, Shelley Burton, Edward Langton, Dana Viliscevina, and Eileen Forbes. Is that correct?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘When these individuals were deceased, did you then remove the mobile phones from their properties?’
    ‘Sometimes. Usually I just left them behind.’
    ‘Why did you do that?’
    ‘I had no need of them. They were cheap phones anyway.’
    ‘And how did you make contact with these people, while they were alive? Using your own personal mobile phone?’
    ‘That’s correct.’
    ‘We have data showing that each of the mobile phones you left with the victims was called by a different telephone number. What can you tell us about that?’
    ‘They’re not victims, Detective Constable Lewis. They are innocent members of the public who chose to end their own lives. Nothing more.’
    ‘You’re aware that we have seized your mobile phone, Colin?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘We are in the process of conducting a forensic examination of that phone, which will confirm that you used a different SIM card in it for each of the victims. Is that what happened?’
    I found myself wondering briefly where they were heading with this. So what if they knew I was using different SIM cards for them all? Did it matter? Did any of it really make any difference at all?
    ‘I did, yes,’ I said.
    ‘Why is that?’
    I didn’t answer the question, feeling as if I was being led away from the point that I needed to get across. Their stupidity and insolence, and the overpowering smell of their tired, sweaty bodies in their day-old clothes, crumpled and frayed, made me angry. At home my dinner was waiting for me, prepared but uncooked: the vegetables sitting in a pan of cold water on the stove, the neatly filleted salmon marinating in lime and white wine in the refrigerator. They had not achieved anything by their interviews yet and we had been here all day.
All day!
    ‘To be fair, gentlemen,’ I said, ‘I can see why you are confused. Neither of you has ever met anyone like me before, have you? I know of nobody else who is as comfortable with the concept of death as I am. All these people, so many of them out there, who are tired and ill and depressed… and what do we do with them? We pay for extensive, invasive courses of medical treatment at vast expense to those of us who take care of our bodies and remain fit and healthy. Or we put them into care homes, at even higher cost, where they no longer have the option to end things for themselves. We are treating our neighbours appallingly. We are allowing them to linger in misery for months, years even, when all they need is someone to tell them that it’s alright – that, if they want to go, they can go. That it’s easy and simple and it can be pain-free. They can choose that path if they want to – and God knows many of them do, given the alternatives they face! All I have done is to show them that they can choose the path. They could have chosen a different one if they’d so desired. But they did not. They chose to die. And I did not “help” them, I just spoke to them and provided comfort and reassurance