I Should Die

while it seemed so real, I could almost feel the weight of his arm draped over me and his head nestled next to mine. He was like the ghost lover in one of those tragic Victorian stories. But unlike the swooning, fainting heroines of those tales, I felt empowered by my resolve that tragedy would not be our fate.

FOURTEEN
    MON AMOUR, GASPARD’S ON HIS WAY UP TO GET US . They need me now.
    The hour we had spent in Jules’s room had felt like seconds. After not knowing if I’d ever hear from Vincent again, I needed more time with him. My craving for closeness had barely been met. It was like giving just one bite of chocolate to a starving man.
    Vincent read my mind. I will come to you tonight. I promise.
    “You’d better,” I said, wondering how I could be so ungrateful for the miracle of his being here.
    It’s because you know it isn’t permanent, and you’re protecting yourself. This answer came from that honest part of my brain that didn’t let me get away with things. It was like having my mom live in my head—always ready and willing to provide all kinds of valuable advice, whether or not I asked for it. I knew I should listen, but at the moment I just wanted it to shut up.
    I met Gaspard on the stairs and we made our way to Vincent’s room, where Jeanne had shooed Jean-Baptiste from Bran’s bedside so that he could eat.
    As we entered, Bran’s eyes flew to the air next to me. He stared at Vincent’s ghost for a moment, and then said to Gaspard, “Tell me. Do you plan on attempting a re-embodiment, or will you leave Vincent in this state to aid in the upcoming war with the ancient one?”
    Jean-Baptiste and Gaspard stared at him, and then at each other, confused.
    I knew it! I thought, my heart racing. I had hoped Bran would have information the bardia didn’t, and I had been right. “What’s a re-embodiment? How does it work?” I begged.
    JB pulled up a chair next to Bran. “I don’t think you understand, healer. Vincent’s body has been destroyed. How would we give him another? He can’t just take over a revenant body; we are bound to our spirits until we are destroyed, and sharing a revenant’s body—cohabitation—is harmful to the host’s psyche if continued for any substantial period.”
    He continued in a patient manner, speaking respectfully, but as if he didn’t expect Bran to understand how all-things-revenant worked. “As for using a dead human, a volant revenant can possess a fresh corpse—it has been done in exceptional situations—but the possession doesn’t stop the body from decomposing at the natural rate. After rigor mortis set in, the body would be useless to Vincent.”
    Although the image conjured by Jean-Baptiste’s reasoning made my stomach turn, I listened intently to understand every angle. Each revenant rule.
    Bran blinked a couple of times, and then said, “But I am not referring to a possession. I’m talking about re-creation of his own body.”
    No one moved. Finally Gaspard spoke. “Healer, we are unaware of this type of . . . miracle. If indeed there is a method for ‘re-embodiment,’ as you call it, then it is not known to our kind. Is this thing truly possible?”
    Bran nodded. “Yes. It is. You honestly have no accounts of this in your records? I would have assumed . . .”
    “No,” Gaspard confirmed. “It seems that the separation of our kind and yours over the centuries has led to a loss in what I am beginning to guess used to be shared information between our groups.”
    Bran rubbed his fingers across his forehead, and glanced at us doubtfully, as if wondering if he should say more. “My family archives have been fiercely guarded from discovery by those outside our clan as well as by revenants. I always supposed it was so numa couldn’t use our information against us. Or against you. But I assumed that the bardia would have much of the same knowledge as we had. At least for such important traditions. Maybe I’ve said too much. But in this case, I think my indiscretion is warranted.”
    He cleared his throat and carried on. “The topic of re-embodiment was recorded in one of my family’s accounts, written by an ancestor many generations back. It explained that for revenants who are destroyed against their will and trapped as a wandering soul, there is recourse. Their body can be re-created and their spirit introduced into it. I do not know the exact process used. I just know the solution exists.”
    As the meaning of Bran’s