I'll Be Here

the front hem of his shirt lifted and I caught a slice of bare skin.  I wondered what it would feel like to run my fingertips over that smooth skin.   
    I knew that I was blushing and was glad for the muted light.
    Alex said something about the moon and I guess that I must have answered but I can’t remember what I said and it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is the way that my head was humming and the magic of my body tingling and the grinding of my heart against my ribs. 
    There was this current between us—electrical…  magnetic.  It felt like I was connected to Alex by a string and I imagined that I could feel the slightest movement of every one of his limbs.  As he talked, his tongue sometimes came out and licked his lips and I was overwhelmed by that.  By him.  By those lips.  And those blinking blue eyes.
    I wanted him. 
    I was so full of wanting I thought I would explode.
    I wanted to lean in. 
    I wanted to reach forward and graze his face with my tongue. 
    I wanted to bury my hands in his dark hair and kiss the slight indentation in the middle of his chin. 
    I wanted to nestle into the curved hollow space between his neck and his jaw. 
    I wanted to breathe him in and hold my breath. 
    I wanted Alex more than anything that I’d ever wanted in my whole life and I was hanging onto a thread of hope that he wanted me too. 
    But, how was I supposed to cross the distance? 
    I could just come out and say: “Alex, I want you.”
    That sounded creepy—like it should be the line of a pathetic and lonely character in a romance novel read by bored and overfed housewives.
    I could go with a more classic approach.  I could tilt my head to the side and bat my eyelashes coyly and say, “I wouldn’t stop you if you kissed me.”
    But, what if he said didn’t even want to kiss me?
    How incredibly embarrassing would that be?
    Maybe the best method would be full-on action.  I could just go for it.  That’s what a girl in a movie would do.  She would reach out and grab the leading man by the collar and pull him down towards her mouth and they would have a sweeping, grand kiss and the camera would pan up to the night sky full of pulsing stars and soft, romantic music would flare up in the background. 
    Yes, that could work. 
    He blinked down at me, thick, dark lashes touching his cheeks.
    I swallowed my doubt and stepped in slipping my hands to his neck to pull him towards me. 
    It was just like the movie!  And the music started to roar in my brain.  Stars twinkled!  But just before our lips touched he put his hands on my shoulder and pushed me back gently but firmly.
    Oh. My. God.
    I’d been dissed.
    Majorly.
    Because I was an ugly, disgusting ogre.  Snot was probably pouring from my nostrils onto the ground.   
    “Whoa.”  Alex’s voice was soft, breathy. 
    His hand fell to my arm.  He squeezed.  I watched his face change and the outer edges of his mouth turn down.  It was the worst kind of look and my stomach plummeted ten thousand feet.  
    I stepped back, feeling hot all over, wanting to die right there on my porch.  “I—I’m sorry.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I—”
    “It’s okay, Willow.  These things happen.” 
    These things happen?   Like I’d dropped and broken a piece of everyday china.  Like I’d put too much salt in the cookie batter. 
    I nodded like I understood, but I couldn’t look at him and I decided that I would never look at him again.  My face was red and only getting redder as I stood there and ate my mortification with a spoon. 
    I wanted to turn away but I was trapped in that spot—in that moment—by those moon eyes.  Because even though I couldn’t see them, I could feel them looking at me and they burned me so bad that my legs didn’t work. 
    It was him touching me that freed me from my frozen stupor. 
    Alex’s hand came forward and I jerked back so violently that he rocked on his feet.  He made a sound that might have been words but I didn’t catch them and I didn’t ask him to repeat himself. 
    Somehow, I found my voice.  “I should go.  Laney’s probably wondering where I am.” 
    He made a grab for my hand but I sidestepped him.  
    “Willow, wait!  I think you misunderstood.  We should talk about this.” 
    He was following me.  He tried to put a hand on my shoulder.  He asked me to walk down to the cave with him.  He said other things but I couldn’t even make sense of the words.  It