In the After

example of you for not following the rules.”
    “You break the rules all the time,” I told her, incredulous.
    “I never break the rules,” she stated firmly.
    “Right . . . never.”
    My mother appeared at my side and took me by the shoulder, away from Kay. “Honey, why don’t you go write something for Vivian? I’ll watch Baby.” She gave me a tender look. “It will make you feel better.”
    I doubted it, but I nodded and went over to wait in line. After a while, the crowd thinned and I found an unused console. I typed in Alvarez and Vivian’s name immediately popped up. I highlighted it and watched a video of her, showing her Advanced Theory presentation for the synth-suits. She looked calm and poised, but I knew she was nervous by the way she fiddled with her necklace.
    After the short video, I highlighted the pencil in the corner of the screen and saw that Tracey had already left an epitaph. GOOD-BYE, VIV. YOU WERE ONE OF A KIND AND YOU WILL BE DEARLY MISSED . It reminded me of the messages written inside the high school yearbook I found ages ago, while scavenging in the After.
    I clicked NEW MESSAGE and thought about what to write, but ended up just staring at the blank screen for a very long time. Finally I typed: FOR IN THAT SLEEP OF DEATH, WHAT DREAMS MAY COME, WHEN WE HAVE SHUFFLED OFF THIS MORTAL COIL. SWEET DREAMS, VIVIAN. LOVE, AMY .
    “Hamlet is a fitting tribute,” a voice behind me remarked. I quickly saved my message and turned to find Rice looking over my shoulder.
    “It doesn’t sound cheesy?” I asked, embarrassed.
    “No, it’s not cheesy. Who wouldn’t want to be remembered with beautiful words from Shakespeare?”
    He studied me, then went to the console and typed, O’BRIAN, KATHERINE . A young woman appeared, just a photo, no video. She had strawberry-blond hair and dark freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. She had several messages under her name, one of which Rice highlighted.
    TO DIE, TO SLEEP NO MORE; AND BY A SLEEP TO SAY WE END THE HEARTACHE. KATIE, I WILL LOVE YOU ALWAYS—R .
    “You and I are very similar,” he told me with a sad smile, reaching for my hand. His touch warmed me, but I didn’t find much comfort in it. My thoughts were still on Vivian. I closed my eyes tight.
    “Amy, are you all right?”
    I started to cry. “I feel like I’ve lost everything all over again,” I told him. “Only this time it was worse. I thought we were all safe here, but any one of us could have died.” I paused. “Don’t you ever feel guilty that you’re alive?” I asked him.
    “Every day,” he admitted. “Is that why you want to be a Guardian?”
    I shook my head but I didn’t explain that my intentions were not so noble. I wanted to be a Guardian for selfish reasons, for the freedom that being a Guardian would provide.
    “I’m always crying on you. You must be tired of it,” I said.
    “I don’t mind,” he told me. “It’s nice to be useful, even if that use is as a tissue.”
    “And what does my mother use you for?” I blurted, surprised by my harsh tone.
    “What do you mean?”
    “Well, you’re obviously used for something. So, what do you assist the director with?” I raised my voice. I couldn’t stop myself. “You know, Rice, you never give me a straight answer. What do you do to the Floraes? Where did they come from?” I was almost shouting. “You must know!” I dared not say what I was really thinking, that somehow the creatures they used to study managed to escape. That this was all their fault.
    I expected him to push me away, but instead he pulled me into a tight embrace. His fingers dug into my skin. People were starting to look at us and I saw Dr. Reynolds turn away from his conversation to stare. I knew I was out of control but I couldn’t stop.
    “Amy, calm down.” He stroked my arm. “It’s okay. Everything will be fine.”
    “No, it isn’t okay.” I pulled away from him. “Nothing is okay, Rice.”
    Feeling claustrophobic, I pushed past Rice and rushed outside into the warm air. I started to run, kicking off my shoes when the buildings thinned and the trees began. I’d find them on the way back. I just wanted to be free.
    • • •
    After Rice leaves, I sit in the common room, watching the other patients. When Frank comes in, I find an excuse to sit next to him. He mumbles to himself and I try to listen to what he says, but it’s indistinguishable. Except for one word over and over again: Florae.
    “Have