In the Midst of Life

herself, ‘Oh, how dreadful.’
    People paralysed from a stroke are usually fully aware of what is said, and what is going on around them, and Mrs Doherty wept, great tears that she could not wipe away running down her face.
    Maggie did her best. But she had completely underestimated the difficulties involved, which, even for a professional nurse, can be daunting. A district nurse came in for four hours a week, but Mrs Doherty required twenty-four-hour nursing every day, and the only person to do it was Maggie. Feeding, drinking, washing, bathing, help with dressing – all had to be attended to. Soiled underwear and bed linen had to be changed frequently, and even though a bathroom and lavatory, specially designed for invalid use, had been built on to the ground floor room, Maggie found that getting her mother on and off the lavatory was a monstrous task. Mrs Doherty tried desperately to help herself, but early one morning, when she’d managed to get out of bed, her Zimmer frame was just a little too far away, and, in trying to reach it, she slipped and fell, and lay on the floor, wet and cold, for several hours.
    Another thing Maggie had not expected was the boredom. Eachday was the same – a struggle with physical necessities, until Maggie felt she could scream. Although Mrs Doherty’s speech had improved to the point where she could say a few words, she could not carry on a conversation, and her attempts to do so frequently led to tears of frustration. In the end Maggie gave up trying to speak to her mother. In the winter, when the days grew dark and wet, Maggie wondered how much more she could take.
    Mrs Doherty made heroic efforts to do things on her own. She was not a woman who wanted to be a burden to her daughter. She did the exercises advised by the physiotherapist, but progress towards mobility was minimal. Had she been twenty years younger, it might have been different, but she was simply too old to build up new muscular strengths. Every little thing was a labour for her to achieve; frequently, she wept uncontrollably.
    Jamie came to see his mother each day, but did not stay for long. It was difficult to communicate and conversation was confined to banalities. He could see the strain imposed on Maggie, and though they both thought often of the scene in the hospital, and Miss Jenner’s rejected advice, neither of them ever mentioned it.
    One day Jamie said to his sister, ‘You need a holiday. You can’t carry on like this. You’ll crack up.’
    Maggie burst into tears. ‘If only I could. But I don’t see how I can leave her.’
    ‘Tessa and I could take over.’
    ‘I don’t think you could. She needs someone with her all the time. You have to go to work, and I doubt if Tessa would do all that I do.’
    ‘Then she’ll have to go into a nursing home for a while. I will make enquiries and arrange something. You must have a break.’
    ‘That would be wonderful. Thank you, Jamie.’
    He could see her depression and was concerned. Everything about her, her clothes, her hair, her face, her nails, was neglected. Even her body language was so unlike the Maggie they had always known.
    ‘Do you think you’ll ever go back to writing?’
    ‘Oh, I don’t know. Can’t see it, somehow. I had a letter fromone of my magazines today, telling me that they were taking me off their books. That’s bad news.’
    Jamie didn’t say anything but arranged for a nursing home to take his mother. It was not easy. because of his mother’s incapacity. Most nursing homes wanted old people who needed no nursing, he discovered. He found one, eventually, who said they would take her for two weeks, providing she was not incontinent. Jamie assured them that she was not, but would require help in getting to a lavatory, or a bedpan. The expense was colossal, but Priscilla agreed to help pay.
    Mrs Doherty was terrified when she was told that she was going to a nursing home for a fortnight. She couldn’t express herself but kept saying ‘No, no, no,’ and shaking her head and crying. She managed to formulate the words ‘Let me stay here’, and then added, ‘Please, please, oh please,’ but no one took any notice. When two men came with a special recumbent chair in which to carry her, she resisted with all the puny strength she could muster – but they took her anyway.
    The stress of being moved, and the mental agitation, the new surroundings, strangers taking care of her – it was all too much for the old lady, and