Jane Actually

her apprehension and had been weighing them since the plane landed: depression that even after a successful book tour, she still must fight to defend her identity; worry that Mary still had not come to a decision about remaining her avatar; anxiety that she remained uninspired; and most of all, guilt that she had yet to confess to Albert.
    She had chatted with him two nights previous, in penance for all her missed or abbreviated chats with him. He was excited about the AGM and wanted to know which breakout sessions she would be attending. She knew her reply was tepid, but truly, could topics such as—“Talk silly like Mrs Jennings” 1 or “The Secret Agenda of Austen’s Card Games”—excite her? She needed no lessons to talk like Mrs Jennings and she didn’t think she had a secret agenda depending on whether her characters played
vingt-et-un
or whist or lottery tickets.
Well, maybe lottery tickets.
2 She could understand why Janeites might find such topics entertaining, but that did not mean she could gin up much enthusiasm.
    She knew she was being excessively tetchy, but once in her funk, it was hard to escape her mood. And then she realized that she could no longer see Mary ahead of her. She rose a little above the crowd but still could see no sign of her. She was not overly concerned, however, as she assumed Mary would proceed to the baggage claim area. But in the process of looking around for Mary, Jane had disoriented herself.
    She tried to recall anything about the airport but other than remembering that DFW was one of America’s busiest airports, she knew nothing. Ordinarily while travelling by herself, Jane would plan ahead, committing to memory the layout of the airports and cities she would visit, but she had failed to do so this time, an indication of the extent to which she depended upon Mary. She soon reached the end of the semi-circular terminal and then went back in the other direction and saw a sign indicating in which direction the baggage claim area lay. After a few minutes, she saw Mary.
    In her imagination, Jane had supposed she would find Mary anxiously looking in the crowd for her invisible employer, but instead she found Mary standing behind the luggage carrousel, waiting with a frown on her face, her arms crossed and her suitcase already retrieved. Jane realized Mary’s expression almost mirrored her own as captured by Cassandra’s watercolour.
    Jane captured the field of Mary’s terminal and was prepared to offer her apology for getting lost but Mary’s remark interrupted her: “Honestly Jane, I told you to stay by me. What would Melody do to me if I lost you just before the AGM?”
    Her words wiped any thought Jane had of apologizing and instead she started to say, “She would say it’s your fault for losing me.” But the kindness of fate intervened when someone reaching for his luggage brushed her aside and disconnected her from Mary’s terminal.
    Jane wasn’t sure quite how much of her remark was transmitted so as soon as she reconnected to Mary’s terminal, she said, “She would accuse us both of not paying attention, with some justification. I’m sorry Mary, I’m afraid I am not looking forward to the AGM.”
    “Why? What’s worrying you? I mean beyond the obvious.” She extended the handle on her suitcase and started walking away from the luggage carrousel. “Let’s exit here and I can look for a taxi,” she added, pointing in the direction of the exit. Originally they were supposed to be picked up by a JASNA volunteer but their delayed flight had made that impossible.
    Jane followed and said, “It is the end of the tour and my best hope for convincing Janeites that I really am Jane and … and you still haven’t said whether you will continue as my avatar and …”
    “We still have time to talk about that,” Mary said. She avoided looking toward where Jane should be.
    “Please don’t put it off much longer. I realize the airport is hardly an appropriate time or place, but you asked what concerned me, and this is one of my worries.”
    They now stood outside the terminal and Mary looked for a sign indicating where she would find a taxi stand. She had looked up the airport terminal layout the previous night and guessed it would be to her left and soon saw a sign indicating she had remembered correctly. A taxi was pulling up just as she arrived and soon they were on their way to the hotel.
    Inside the cab, rather than employ the ruse of talking on her